Teenage Daughters

I absolutely HATE being the mom of a teenage daughter.  I thought it would be loads of fun but really???  Every time I drive her to school I manage to piss her off and then she gets out of the car all mad and I worry the rest of the day about her.  UGH.   As a disclaimer, I was the perfect child.  Seriously.  I didn't smoke, drink, do drugs, or even swear.  I respected my parents and did my homework.  I had a busy social life but I didn't even know there were parties going on... seriously!   I don't expect Kayla to be perfect.  I don't expect for her to be me by any means.  I just don't know how to handle the rebellion.  It nothing really.... she just has a couple of friends I don't like and she plays on her phone / itouch at times that she shouldn't.   And she disappears after school and we don't see her until she comes out to say goodnight.  I'm doing my damnedest to stop that habit.   And I know its normal.  She's 14.  She needs space and privacy and all of that.  But how much is too much and when do I speak up?  When do I worry?  I just want for her to make it though high school alive and with a good head on her shoulders.  Its hard work raising a kid.  Really hard.   I remember holding her when she was a baby and thinking of all the things I was going to have to teach her and wondering how the hell I was supposed to do that.  And now she's 14 and there is still so much to teach her.   Its terrifying really.

Teenage Daughters - Martina McBride

I ain’t complainin’
But I’m tired, so I’m just sayin’
What I think
And if we’re being honest
Than honestly I think I need a drink
My baby’s growin’ up
She think’s she’s fallin’ all in love
And that I hate her
At seventeen, she’s just like me when I was seventeen
So I don’t blame her
[Bridge]
Do do do do
Do do do do
What are we gonna do?
Do do do do
Do do do do
What are we gonna do about it?
[Chorus]
Remember when we use to be
Everything they ever need
We had them believing we were cool
It’s like it happened over night
We’re always wrong, their always right
We use to be the one’s breakin’ the rules
Now we’re just mothers, we’re just fathers of
Teenage Daughters

She rolls her eye’s when I’m funny
But she’s sweet when she wants money and her freedom
Oh my god, she’s got a car
Swears they wont go far
And I wish I believed ‘em
[Bridge]
[Chorus]
Their beautiful, wild and free
Everything we wish we could be
But their still crazy
Oh you know, the make us crazy
[Chorus]
Yeah Teenage Daughters
I ain’t complainin’
But I’m just tired, so I’m sayin’
What I think
If we’re being honest
Than honestly, I think I need a drink
Martina McBride – Teenage Daughters Lyrics

Love One Another

I have been a Christian my entire life.  There is not a day I can remember when I didn't believe in God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.  I've had my trials in life and my fair share of drama but not once did I doubt God had me in the palm of His hand and that everything would be alright.  

I was raised Catholic and have spent most of my adult life in a Presbyterian church.  The two religions are somewhat similar and I've been comfortable in both.  Ultimately what religion my church happens to practice is not as important to me as my personal relationship with God.   However I think it is important to belong to a church community for the fellowship, accountability and support it offers.   During the times in my life where I have not been connected to a church, I have felt a huge void in my life.  Which brings me to the point of this post. 

There is no perfect church.  There is no perfect Christian.  We all fail God's vision for us every single day because we are human.  I have been very blessed to be a part of some amazing church families in my lifetime.  I adore the church community we are a part of right now.   I look forward to many years of raising our children there.  However, tonight I am struggling.  I am wishing there was no such thing as church politics and that we could all just Love One Another and it would be just that easy.   I understand that people have opinions and have every right to express them.  I just wish I didn't feel so scared to express my own.  I am wondering if I'm in the right denomination.  I really think I'm more of a "non-denominational" gal but in this city, most of the time, that means Baptist.   I know that is not the right place for me.  I've had a really hard time finding a place to fit in the Christian community because I have a hard time with the hypocrisy that goes along with it.  

So many Christian people claim to have an "all inclusive" "everyone is welcome" attitude only to be very blunt about their feelings when it comes to gays, drug addicts, criminals, and even people of a different race.  I'm not claiming to be free from my own prejudices.  I am human after all.  But if there is one thing I think Jesus meant more than anything it was "Love Thy Neighbor".   Jesus was all about love and acceptance and forgiveness.  Why is it so hard for us to be the same way??  (That's a rhetorical question)   

What got me stirred up tonight was a conversation I was a part of (well, one I listened to) tonight.   As some of you readers know, I have two gay siblings.  Its very difficult to be a part of a mostly conservative church when you have a family dynamic like mine.  I adore my brother and sister and their respective partners.  Tonight I got to hear what some of my church friends think of people with a more liberal mindset and although it didn't surprise me, its very hard for me to sit and nod my head like I agree with the majority.  I guarantee those people had no idea how uncomfortable it was for me to stay silent, let alone stay in the room.  My brother and sister both believe in God.  They pray.  They have a relationship with Jesus.  But I think if they were in town and came to my church with their partners in tow, it would make many people in the congregation uncomfortable.  And that makes me sad. 

Luke 6:31 states the Golden Rule -  ³¹" Do to others as you would like them to do to you".   

 But do you now what it says next? 

 ³² “If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them! ³³ And if you do good only to those who do good to you, why should you get credit? Even sinners do that much! ³⁴ And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, why should you get credit? Even sinners will lend to other sinners for a full return.”     

We are called to love all people as Jesus did– no exceptions.  Its not easy... I struggle with it every day but I try to teach my daughters the Golden Rule by example.  I guess my point of posting this is to challenge you to do the same. 

Collin Raye had a song called "What if Jesus Comes Back Like That" where he talks about our prejudices against certain types of people - a hobo living under a bridge, "white trash" and a drug addicted newborn.  The last chorus goes like this...

What if Jesus comes back like that
Where will he find out hearts are at
Will he let us in or turn his back
What if Jesus comes back like that
Will he cry when he sees where our hearts are at
Will he let us in or turn his back
What if Jesus comes back like that
Hey what if Jesus comes back like that

What Makes You Stay - Deana Carter

As long as we're being melancholy,  this is one of my favorite "sad" songs.   Its from one of my all time favorite movies, Hope Floats.   Have you ever had one of those relationships where you just couldn't give up?  Where you knew you had just to just keep pushing through the pain and heartache in the hopes of something better?  And there is something about the smoothness of Deana Carter's voice.   The emotion just flows right through.

What is on your sad song list? 

What Makes You Stay - Deana Carter

Look at me
I'm in a place
I never thought I'd be

Don't have the strength
To fight anymore
Or a reason not to leave

So tell me why I still keep holding on
To something I just cannot see

What makes you stay
When your world falls apart
What makes you try one more time
When it's not in your heart
At the end of your rope
When you can't find any hope
You still look at him and say
I just can't walk away
Tell me what makes you stay

I'm not afraid
Of living alone
I was alone before he came

I've been in love
Many times before
But this time's not the same

I've always been the first to say goodbye
Now it's the last thing I can do

What makes you stay
When your world falls apart
What makes you try one more time
When it's not in your heart
At the end of your rope
When you can't find any hope
You still look at him and say
I just can't walk away
Tell me what makes you stay

When it goes this deep
And feels this strong
I can't convince myself
That this love is wrong

What makes you stay
When your world falls apart
What makes you try one more time
When it's not in your heart
At the end of your rope
When you can't find any hope
You still look at him and say
I just can't walk away
Tell me what makes you stay

At This Moment - Billy Vera and the Beaters

I was at the grocery store this AM when this song came on the Musak.  I vividly remember watching "Family Ties" and feeling so bad for Alex as he was breaking up with his girlfriend.  I adored this song in high school.  Its the ultimate break up song.  Thank you Kroger for playing it and reminding me I need it in my iTunes collection.  I think we've all felt these feelings before and with respect to my ex husband, the song reminds me of him.  There's a lot I could say about that but some things are better left unsaid.  

What did you think
I would do at this moment
When you're standing before me
With tears in your eyes?
Trying to tell me that you
Have found you another
And you just don't love me no more

What did you think
I would say at this moment
When I'm faced with the knowledge
That you just don't love me
Did you think I would curse you?
Or say things to hurt you?
Cause you just don't love me no more

Did you think I could hate you?
Or raise my hands to you?
Now come on, you know me too well
How could I hurt you
When darling, I love you
And you know... I'd never hurt you

What do you think, I would give at this moment?
If you'd stay I'd subtract twenty-years from my life
I'd fall down on my knees
Kiss the ground that you walk on
If I could just hold you again

I'd fall down on my knees
Kiss the ground that you walk on, baby
If I could just hold you...again

Ride

I’ve had a particularly frustrating couple of years between some health battles, a pending move that didn’t pan out, and some other major life changes.   There was a long while where I was in the dark and couldn’t see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.   Thankfully that light was not an oncoming train and things are looking up.  There are days now when the smile in my heart actually shows up on my face and I’m sure that’s a relief to everyone around me but no one is more relieved than me, myself and I.   I just saw Martina McBride perform this on TV and fell in love with it.   Its my new mantra.   I’m doing my best to Ride that crazy roller coaster called Life.  Hope you are too!

RIDE – Martina McBride

You wake up from your dreaming
and you don’t want to face the day
You can’t find a reason
to think your world will ever change
You can hide beneath the covers
Or you can run outside head up high and carry on
Life is a roller coaster ride
Time Turns the Wheel and Love Collides
Faith is believing you can close your eyes and touch the sky.
so Shine while you have the chance to shine
Laugh even when you want to cry
Hold on tight to what you feel inside and ride…
It brings you up slowly then shoots you like a rocket towards the ground
it twists you and it shakes you before it turns you upside down
You can’t see what’s around the corner
and You can’t look back, so just live it up and feel the rush
Life is a roller coaster ride
Time Turns the Wheel and Love Collides
Faith is believing you can close your eyes and touch the sky.
so Shine while you have the chance to shine
Laugh even when you want to cry
Hold on tight to what you feel inside and ride…
Ride, ride
So shine while you have the chance to shine
Laugh even when you want to cry
Hold on tight to what you feel inside and ride
Ride, ride!

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

The first album I ever bought was Queen – The Game. I wore it out and knew all the lyrics by heart. This was by far my favorite song and I still love it to this day. However, lately I’ve been listening to Michael Buble’s version. Its still a ton of fun to sing, just in a different kind of way. No matter whose version is playing, it will always take me back to my Queen album spinning round and round on my Mickey Mouse record player. Happy Valentine’s Day! Hope you experience that crazy little thing called love today!

Crazy Little Thing Called Love – Queen

This thing called love I just cant handle it
This thing called love I must get round to it
I aint ready
Crazy little thing called love
This (this thing) called love
(called love)
It cries (like a baby)
In a cradle all night
It swings (woo woo)
It jives (woo woo)
It shakes all over like a jelly fish,
I kinda like it
Crazy little thing called love

There goes my baby
She knows how to rock n roll
She drives me crazy
She gives me hot and cold fever
Then she leaves me in a cool cool sweat

I gotta be cool relax, get hip
Get on my tracks
Take a back seat, hitch-hike
And take a long ride on my motor bike
Until Im ready
Crazy little thing called love

I gotta be cool relax, get hip
Get on my tracks
Take a back seat, hitch-hike
And take a long ride on my motor bike
Until Im ready (ready freddie)
Crazy little thing called love

This thing called love I just cant handle it
This thing called love I must get round to it
I aint ready
Crazy little thing called love

Gracie Girl

For my birthday the year Gracie was born, my Mom gave us (it was for Don for Father’s Day too) a Ben Folds CD. Ben Folds of Ben Folds Five (he lost the other four and now its just him). I was confused because never in my life have I said, ” Mom, I really really LOVE Ben Folds!!” She made us open the CD and pop it in the player and hit track 5 where these wonderful lyrics were recorded….

“Gracie”

You can’t fool me I saw you when you came out
You’ve got your mamma’s taste but you got my mouth
And you will always have a part of me
Nobody else is ever gonna see
Gracie girl

With your cards to your chest
Walking on your toes
What you got in the box
Only Gracie knows
And I would never try to make you be
Anything you didn’t really want to be
Gracie girl

Life flies by in seconds
You’re not a baby
Gracie, you’re my friend
You’ll be a lady soon
But until then
You gotta do what I say

Nodding off in my arms watching TV
I won’t move you an inch even though my arms asleep
One day you’re gonna want to go
I hope we taught you everything you need to know
Gracie girl

And you will always have a part of me
Nobody else is ever going to see but you and me
A little girl
My Gracie girl

All three of us were in tears by the end. I call Gracie my Gracie girl. Have you ever seen a more perfect song? Ok, I’m sure everyone has their own “perfect song” but this will follow Gracie through her entire life. Don was even saying it will be the song they dance to when she gets married. He’ll be nothing but a bucket of tears on that day.

Slipping thru my fingers

I went to see Mamma Mia last night with a bunch of girlfriends. My mom had wanted to go with us as well but it just didn’t work out. She kept telling me I’d wish she were there due to the mother daughter wedding scenes. She was right. When Donna was helping Sophie get ready for the wedding and started to sing Slipping Through My Fingers, tears flooded my eyes. I saw myself 20 (15?) years from now with my own daughters at their weddings. I thought about how quickly this summer has passed and all of the things we meant to do together but didn’t. I thought about my 10 year old and how quickly those 10 years have flown by. How quickly will the next 10 fly? How quickly will that be me and her sitting in some room getting her ready for her own nuptuals?

Then I thought of my mom and saw life for just a minute from her perspective. How quickly I must have grown up right in front of her eyes. How often she must have wanted to freeze the picture. I will be leaving home soon. I’ve already left her house but not too far down the road I’ll be leaving the city I’ve lived in the majority of my life. I’ll be leaving the security of having my mom not more than 10 minutes away. I’ll be leaving the ease of just calling her up and meeting for dinner or a movie. We’ve had a really hard time over the last year coming to terms with the reality of it all. Now I see how painful it must be for her to see me slipping through her fingers.

I’m thankful that we live in times of email and Skype and free long distance through cell phones but I also realize that when I leave, things won’t be the same. Sometimes I wish I’d left home at 18 like my siblings did. But mostly I’m glad I’ve had the 37 years of having my mom so close at hand. I’ve only just begun to grieve the loss of the day to day relationship and I know I still have a long way to go. But for just one second yesterday, in a dark movie theatre, I stood in her shoes and had a moment of clarity… all because of a chick flick and an Abba song.
Slipping Through My Fingers – Abba
Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness
And I have to sit down for a while
The feeling that I’m losing her forever
And without really entering her world
I’m glad whenever I can share her laughter
That funny little girl

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what’s in her mind
Each time I think I’m close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table
Barely awake, I let precious time go by
Then when she’s gone there’s that odd melancholy feeling
And a sense of guilt I can’t deny
What happened to the wonderful adventures
The places I had planned for us to go
(slipping through my fingers all the time)
Well, some of that we did but most we didn’t
And why I just don’t know

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what’s in her mind
Each time I think I’m close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
And save it from the funny tricks of time
Slipping through my fingers…

Slipping through my fingers all the time

Schoolbag in hand she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile…