Girlfriends

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
Steel Magnolias
The Women

You've seen them.  Movies about women who have fierce friendships that stand the test of time, stress, tragedy, marriage, divorce, kids, grandkids.  Women who you can call at 3:48 in the morning because you can't sleep.  Women who will sit through a three hour birthday party for your kid and then hang out afterwards and help you clean up every last dish.  Women you can laugh with, cry with, debate with ... all in the same conversation.  Women who can tell you that dress doesn't do much for you without breaking your spirit.  Women who show up at the drop of a hat in a crisis and just start taking over whatever you don't have the strength to do.  Women who are comfortable sitting in silence when there are no words for the occasion.  

I saw a dear friend of mine today who used to be one of my "go-to's" for everything in high school.  She knew I shouldn't have married my first husband 13 years before I figured it out.  We crammed for exams together, we slumber partied, we passed notes in class.  We haven't been close through our adult years but I still hold so much love for her in my heart and always enjoy our occasional lunches or phone chats.  Today I got to meet "her girls" and I have to say I wish I were as lucky.  

I've always had girlfriends.  It started with Debbie Whatshername when I was two.  There was Jenny Van Vleet who was my first real BFF... we were inseparable to the point that our teacher called us The Bobsey Twins.  There was Heather in 3rd grade who is the ONLY person allowed to call me Betsy Wetsy and I in return call her Heather Feather.  I think I got the short end of the stick there.   Then came Hilary, Susie, Sara, Priscilla, Christian, Angie, Lisa, Jen, Shannon, Jenny, etc.  I've never had a problem having a BFF.

Where I lack is that tight nit gaggle.  The group of three or more who all seem to love each other unconditionally.  The ones who are in book groups and sit around drinking wine, laughing uncontrollably and vacation in that special spot every year.   I sort of had that once for a few years.  I was part of a group of six or so gals who did a lot together and it was wonderful.  I never hesitated to call any of them worried I would be interrupting.  I never ignored their calls when their numbers would come up on caller ID.  They came without my asking after my grandfather died bringing food and paper products so those in mourning wouldn't have to worry with dishes.  They came and sat with my children the night I ended up in the ER.  They cleaned my house when I couldn't.   For reasons I still struggle with that are of my own doing, that is not the case any more.  I'm still friendly with each of them and always enjoy spending time with them but things are different now.  It makes me sad if I think about it too much so I try not to.   Maybe I'm not meant to be part of a circle like that.  I never really did fit into one particular group in high school.  I've never really fit in a particular group at work.   My whole life I've been just on the edge of one group or another.  In return I've had a very diverse list of people in my life.  I'm friends with everyone I've every been friends with for the most part.  Some people I'm not as close to as I'd like to be and although I try, I should probably let those friendships be what they will.  

Maybe my gaggle is out there waiting for me somewhere and I just haven't found it yet.  Maybe I'll be one of those old ladies who wear the red hats.  I really do want to be one of those someday.

***To those of you who are my girlfriends, know that this post by no means is meant to diminish our friendship.  I just started thinking today and this is what came of it.  I'm very blessed to have some very beautiful, wonderful, individual friendships (many of you live much too far away but I love you just the same) and I cherish you all. 

PS... When trying to think of movies that had gaggles of girlfriends in them, I googled "movies about close girlfriends".  Yeah, don't do that.  Trust me.   No seriously, trust me.  The proper term is "movies about female friendships."