Self Conscious much?

No one can make you feel inferior without your permission - Eleanor Roosevelt

A friend of mine posted a blog this AM entitled Things I Like About Me.  I thought it was a really neat idea and will probably attempt my own list.  In the meantime though it got me to thinking about my 13 year old and what a miserable time she's having in middle school (according to her).   She has a lot of friends but sees herself as one who really doesn't fit in anywhere.   Thing is, I remember that feeling oh so well.  In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I realized I still feel that way... a lot.   So are she and I oddities or does everyone feel that way for the most part?  Do you feel like you really fit in at your job?  Your church?  In your circle of friends??  Everyone sees me as a very friendly, perky person.  They aren't wrong.   But there are also a lot of times when I feel very alone in a crowd.  Sometimes its on Sunday mornings when the praise band is hanging around the kitchen chomping on donuts.  I've been a part of that group for 2 years now but I still feel like an outsider sometimes.  I know if anyone knew that they would be shocked.  And the above quote reminds me that they aren't the ones doing anything wrong... I'm just too scared to jump into a conversation and "bother" people.   I don't feel like I dress well enough, like my makeup is right, like I don't have half the talent some of my band mates have. I don't start conversations because why would they really care what I did that weekend or what is on sale at Hallmark. 

Insecurity has always been one of my biggest faults.  I know my good qualities but I'm better at seeing the good in others.  I'm never quite sure how people see me.   Don't get me wrong, I'm no wallflower.  I was the biggest fool you've ever seen at CMA Music Fest.  I didn't care what people thought or said about me.   I was there to have a good time and make some great memories and that is exactly what I did!  I wish I could live every day with such wild abandon. 

So, back to the kid... I'm trying to send her quotes every day so that she can think positively and make good choices in friends and just simply learn to love who she is no matter what anyone else thinks.  So as I'm encouraging my child that it gets better and one day she won't feel so awkward, am i doing her a disservice?  Doesn't life always feel like middle school?  Or do we just get to the point where we don't care what others think?  I don't think I'm there yet.   I'm trying to be but sometimes don't do so well with it.  Maybe that happens in your 50's or 60's.   I hope I get there one day.   Really though I'd just be happy if I can fake it well enough to fool my kids and give them hope that it changes eventually.  I so want them to see what beautiful, funny, independent, vivacious, spectacular people they are.

If anyone has any thoughts or advice, please feel free to comment.  Off to play Go Fish and remember when life was so simple.

Reunited and it feels so good

Its been a few months now since my oldest daughter and her younger sister reconnected.  What should have been a very difficult situation has instead turned out to be full of joy.  We expected the girls to need time to get to know each other and planned to ease them into the relationship.  Instead not only have we spent numerous hours as a family but the other mom and I both agree it feels like we've always been in each other's lives.

I've always been fascinated by the stories of adults who find each other after they were separated as children.  All the news stories talk about how they laugh the same, walk the same, even speak in unison.   Here's a great story about long lost siblings. 

The two girls are so very much alike, even though there is a 5 year difference.  I'm so thankful they didn't  have to wait until they were in their 30's or 40's to find each other.  The bonus part of the story is that my 6 year old feels like she gained a sister too.  All three of them talk about their sisters.   There are no halves in this story.  The three of them are whole.  One day the age gap will close and they will be able to enjoy movies and music, and probably theater together.  All three of them are animal lovers with the two older girls wanting to be vets and my youngest, a zoo keeper.  All three of them laugh with abandon.   They scrunch up their faces when they smile.  They talk with their hands.  They love to draw and dance and sing.  I can't wait to see their relationship continue to progress.  It is an adventure of the greatest kind. 

A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves - a special kind of double.  ~Toni Morrison