No one can make you feel inferior without your permission - Eleanor Roosevelt
A friend of mine posted a blog this AM entitled Things I Like About Me. I thought it was a really neat idea and will probably attempt my own list. In the meantime though it got me to thinking about my 13 year old and what a miserable time she's having in middle school (according to her). She has a lot of friends but sees herself as one who really doesn't fit in anywhere. Thing is, I remember that feeling oh so well. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I realized I still feel that way... a lot. So are she and I oddities or does everyone feel that way for the most part? Do you feel like you really fit in at your job? Your church? In your circle of friends?? Everyone sees me as a very friendly, perky person. They aren't wrong. But there are also a lot of times when I feel very alone in a crowd. Sometimes its on Sunday mornings when the praise band is hanging around the kitchen chomping on donuts. I've been a part of that group for 2 years now but I still feel like an outsider sometimes. I know if anyone knew that they would be shocked. And the above quote reminds me that they aren't the ones doing anything wrong... I'm just too scared to jump into a conversation and "bother" people. I don't feel like I dress well enough, like my makeup is right, like I don't have half the talent some of my band mates have. I don't start conversations because why would they really care what I did that weekend or what is on sale at Hallmark.
Insecurity has always been one of my biggest faults. I know my good qualities but I'm better at seeing the good in others. I'm never quite sure how people see me. Don't get me wrong, I'm no wallflower. I was the biggest fool you've ever seen at CMA Music Fest. I didn't care what people thought or said about me. I was there to have a good time and make some great memories and that is exactly what I did! I wish I could live every day with such wild abandon.
So, back to the kid... I'm trying to send her quotes every day so that she can think positively and make good choices in friends and just simply learn to love who she is no matter what anyone else thinks. So as I'm encouraging my child that it gets better and one day she won't feel so awkward, am i doing her a disservice? Doesn't life always feel like middle school? Or do we just get to the point where we don't care what others think? I don't think I'm there yet. I'm trying to be but sometimes don't do so well with it. Maybe that happens in your 50's or 60's. I hope I get there one day. Really though I'd just be happy if I can fake it well enough to fool my kids and give them hope that it changes eventually. I so want them to see what beautiful, funny, independent, vivacious, spectacular people they are.
If anyone has any thoughts or advice, please feel free to comment. Off to play Go Fish and remember when life was so simple.
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