Slipping thru my fingers

I went to see Mamma Mia last night with a bunch of girlfriends. My mom had wanted to go with us as well but it just didn’t work out. She kept telling me I’d wish she were there due to the mother daughter wedding scenes. She was right. When Donna was helping Sophie get ready for the wedding and started to sing Slipping Through My Fingers, tears flooded my eyes. I saw myself 20 (15?) years from now with my own daughters at their weddings. I thought about how quickly this summer has passed and all of the things we meant to do together but didn’t. I thought about my 10 year old and how quickly those 10 years have flown by. How quickly will the next 10 fly? How quickly will that be me and her sitting in some room getting her ready for her own nuptuals?

Then I thought of my mom and saw life for just a minute from her perspective. How quickly I must have grown up right in front of her eyes. How often she must have wanted to freeze the picture. I will be leaving home soon. I’ve already left her house but not too far down the road I’ll be leaving the city I’ve lived in the majority of my life. I’ll be leaving the security of having my mom not more than 10 minutes away. I’ll be leaving the ease of just calling her up and meeting for dinner or a movie. We’ve had a really hard time over the last year coming to terms with the reality of it all. Now I see how painful it must be for her to see me slipping through her fingers.

I’m thankful that we live in times of email and Skype and free long distance through cell phones but I also realize that when I leave, things won’t be the same. Sometimes I wish I’d left home at 18 like my siblings did. But mostly I’m glad I’ve had the 37 years of having my mom so close at hand. I’ve only just begun to grieve the loss of the day to day relationship and I know I still have a long way to go. But for just one second yesterday, in a dark movie theatre, I stood in her shoes and had a moment of clarity… all because of a chick flick and an Abba song.
Slipping Through My Fingers – Abba
Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness
And I have to sit down for a while
The feeling that I’m losing her forever
And without really entering her world
I’m glad whenever I can share her laughter
That funny little girl

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what’s in her mind
Each time I think I’m close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table
Barely awake, I let precious time go by
Then when she’s gone there’s that odd melancholy feeling
And a sense of guilt I can’t deny
What happened to the wonderful adventures
The places I had planned for us to go
(slipping through my fingers all the time)
Well, some of that we did but most we didn’t
And why I just don’t know

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what’s in her mind
Each time I think I’m close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
And save it from the funny tricks of time
Slipping through my fingers…

Slipping through my fingers all the time

Schoolbag in hand she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile…