18 years

My favorite customer this morning was a woman who had her two daughters with her.  They were probably about 6 and 8 and would wander just a few feet away from their mom to check out the stuffed animals or some of the trinkets around the cash register.  She was visibly frustrated trying to herd them like cats.  The girls were not disruptive and certainly weren't hurting anything so I smiled and told the mom that although I could certainly relate to her frustration, try to remember we only get 18 Very Short Years.  We chatted about how life moves so fast and the normal everyday stuff gets in the way of remembering to savor the magical (that also happens everyday).  She took a breath and said "Thank You, I needed that."

This afternoon at Target I saw a couple of blonde headed little boys exploring the shelves and heard their dad an aisle over calling them back to him.  When I turned the corner, the two boys were with their dad along with an older brother AND the dad was pushing a double stroller that held newborn twins, one boy, one girl.  I commented about her being the only girl and he smiled and told me her older sister was in another part of the store with mom.  Wow!  I tried to do the math... seven? No, six.  Dad smiled at the babies in the stroller and said "They were a surprise.".  I laughed and commented that one is a surprise, two is a shock!  He responded by saying one was a surprise, two was an even sweeter surprise.   

Not everyone is meant to be a parent but I'm certain it is exactly what I was meant to be.  My two girls remind me to see the wonder and magic in everyday life.  They fascinate me.  They confuse me.  They frustrate me.  They amaze me.

My oldest is on the threshold of 18.  How the hell did that happen??  Seriously.  Yesterday she was a short little toddler with big blue eyes and the prettiest blonde ringlets.  She was sassy, smart, and sweet.  She loved animals, french fries, and chocolate.  Did I mention she was stubborn?  Way more stubborn than anyone I had ever met in my lifetime.  I wasn't sure what to do with all that fire in her eyes.  One minute she was the most loving little girl wrapping me in a big hug.  The next she was throwing a tantrum complete with kicking and screaming.  I would just shut her door and let her squeal which only made her even more mad.  I read parenting books about "high spirited" children and talked to my mom about my sister who was a bit high spirited herself.  But only experience taught me how to handle this little hurricane I was given to raise.  It only took me 17 and 1/2 years but I've got her all figured out now.... just in time for her to take that free independent sassy spirit into the real world and start figuring it out on her own.  Oh, I'll never stop being her mom.  I'll always be here anytime she needs me and I'm certainly not packing her bags and throwing her out anytime soon.  But the raising part?  That's about done.  She is who she is and I learned a long time ago I couldn't stop that strong will no matter what I did or said. She is still every bit of who she was when she was little but now she speaks German instead of Whinese.
I pray I've taught her kindness and compassion above all.  I pray that she and I will always be close no matter where her free spirit takes her.   Mostly I hope she knows I gave her (and will always give her) my best. 

My youngest is 10.  We still have a few years of figuring each other out.  She is right on the edge of bouncing between Sweet and Eye roll.  At 10 she is taller than I ever hoped to be at that age and will soon outgrow my shoe size.  She is a lover of Minecraft, LEGOs, lizards and Harry Potter. Oh and fedora hats!  She has one for every day of the week.  Although the teen years are fast approaching, I hope to have an easier time with her.  She is a redhead which automatically gives her some spunk and sass but she is much less obstinate than her older sister.  The stubborn streak is there but the iceberg melts a little faster.  We are constantly learning how to communicate.  She is learning to trust that maybe I really was 10 once and can somewhat understand what she's feeling.  I am learning to be very patient as she tries to figure out all the new feelings that pre-teens have to deal with.  While my oldest is the hurricane, this kid is more like a supercell thunderstorm.  Its sunny one moment, the skies turn dark, there is some thunder, lightning, high winds and a downpour... and then you get the rainbow.   When those storms come in the next few years I need to remind myself to watch for the rainbow.

18 years goes by in such a flash.  You can tell any new parent that but they won't believe you until their own kid is 6 months away from legal adulthood.  The messy faces, the endless laundry, the temper tantrums, the teenage angst, the not so great report card grades, the scolding, the tears (mom and child!)... all gone in a flash.  None of that will matter in the end.  The hugs, the tea parties, the snuggles, the lullabies, the talks in the car when the kids think you are just making conversation but you are secretly trying to teach them something, the field trips, the giggles, the walks around the neighborhood, more hugs and snuggles... that's what you remember.  After 18 years that's what will make you smile when the house is too quiet.  The love.  In the end that's all parenting really is.  Endless Unconditional Love. 

Sticks and Stones may Break my Bones....

Gracie got to wear orange to school today for their campaign to stop bullying. Her shirt had happy faces and peace signs on it and she said they were symbols to remind everyone to be peaceful so that the school could be a happy place. I love the way that kid's mind works.

Kids can be mean. All kids. I think they don't know what kind of hurt their words can bring to another person. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me? BS! I grew up with a name that rhymes with Wetsy. I had coke bottle glasses from third grade til my sophomore year. I was horrible at group sports in gym and was always that last kid picked. Typical kid stuff, right? Have you ever seen me wear my glasses in public (even though I have really cute frames now)? There was a kid who signed my yearbook in 6th or 7th grade - "To a girl with thick glasses who bruises easily". I know he thought he was being funny but I've never forgotten his words or who wrote them. There was a girl I graduated with who spread a horrible rumor about my brother and I've never forgotten her either although I smiled and made pleasant conversation with her at our reunion. There was a kid at our bus stop who was the neighborhood bully. Saw her at the reunion too and she is a wonderful person now but that reputation never leaves you. I married a man who used words against me every day (no, NOT Don) - 15 years of my life... wouldn't wish it on anyone. Those incidents left scars. I'm sure you have scars of your own. We've all said things to people that were mean. I'm sure no one is completely innocent. I'm not sure anyone comes out unscathed.

Two great ways to teach your kids about how words hurt... crumple up a piece of paper and then tell them to straighten it back out. You can do the same with emptying a tube of toothpaste onto a paper plate and telling them to put it back in the tube. You can't straighten the paper out. The wrinkles are permanent as are the words you have said to someone. Its as impossible to put the toothpaste back in the tube as it is to take your words back.

Bullying is nothing new. Yes, there are new tools including the horrible things that happen on social media but kids have been mean to each other from the beginning of time. I'm glad the school is having an awareness day. However, it is up to us as adults and parents to teach the basics at home. Kindness matters. The Golden Rule is still Golden. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Period. At school, at the grocery store, at work, and by all means in your own home. We can lecture til we are blue in the face but kids learn by example. I'm not saying its easy. I'm just saying its possible. We can make the world a better place... one word at a time.

"Life is a Special Occassion"

Most of you know I have my dream job... working for Hallmark.   My name is Betsey and I'm a Hallmark-aholic.  I'm about to celebrate my one year anniversary at the company although I've worked at two separate retail stores.  The customers at any store however are the same - they are all just looking for some way to make an ordinary moment special.  That's where I come in.  I get to spend my days helping people pick out just the perfect card for a sick co-worker or just the right thank you gift for nurses who took care of a sick husband in the hospital.  Its very gratifying to go home knowing I made a difference... or at least tried.

Hallmark's new media campaign is Life is a Special Occassion.  I have long believed that is true.   I just wanted to take a minute and share with you some of the Hallmark moments that make going to work a true joy for me.
 
One especially touching moment came when a woman needed help picking out a birthday card for her ex husband.  She had a few specifications which included not too mushy, not too simple, and nothing that talked about birthdays in the future.  You see, this would be his last birthday.  He was in Hospice and the family was getting together that weekend to celebrate him before it was too late.  She was not invited to the gathering though as the new wife had forbidden her to see him.   Its amazing what you can find out about someone in just a few minutes if you take the time to listen.  We searched several cards and finally found the perfect one.  It was a beautiful card that spoke of how he had touched so many people in his life and how she just wanted to let him know she was one of those people.  It was a sale that ended with a hug.

In my job we are supposed to walk the customer to the section of cards they are looking for.  A man came in one day needing an anniversary card for his wife.  I started to walk him over to those cards when I noticed a woman standing by just that section with a very surprised look on her face.  Turns out they were married to each other!  We all had a great laugh and they decided to go to lunch together instead of shop for cards.  So, I didn't sell anything but it was worth getting a glimpse of this couple's life and knowing they would most likely have many more happy years together.

Last week a woman came in and purchased one of our Disney plaques that featured one of Walt Disney's most famous quotes,  "If you can dream it, you can do it".   She picked it up so quickly I asked her if there was a significance to the purchase.   She told me that her 7 year old granddaughter had a dream about learning to ride her bike without training wheels.  She told her grandma, "If I dream it, I can do it!".   What a special moment!

A young man named Mario asked for my help finding a few special gifts for his baby sister who was headed off to college.  He had a very small budget to work with but we found some fun things in the clearance section of the store.  By the time he left, he was quite happy with his special gift bag for his very special sister.  His eyes teared up when he thanked us for helping him and told us how very much he was going to miss her.

This job has even brought me three new friends who started out as customers, reunited me with an old school teacher, and most importantly, makes me feel like I'm living my purpose.   I know it sounds silly... I don't make the big bucks, I don't have a college degree, I don't even have benefits since I'm part time.   But to me its not "just" a retail job.  Its a mission if you will - a mission to help others connect, to make memories, to love, to laugh, to heal.

When is the last time you sent a card?  When is the last time you found something in your mailbox with your name on it that wasn't a bill?  There are cards for every occasion you can think of - birthdays of course but also anniversaries, get well, potty training, thinking of you, sympathy, hi / hello, entering the military, going off to college, miss you, congratulations on your job, new house, new pet, even blank cards so you can create your own occasion.  Next time you pass a Hallmark store, stop in.   Make today a special occasion.  Just because you can.  The smile on someone else's face will be well worth your time. 

Crying

I've always been a very relational, emotional person.  My friends say if I were a Care Bear I'd be Tenderheart Bear.  When I was little I could burst into tears at the drop of a hat.  I've been known to tear up at a Hallmark commercial, a sappy TV show, or a sad song on the radio.  I cried the day I heard Marvin Gaye died.  I was a teenager and wasn't really a huge Marvin Gaye fan but hearing that his dad shot him brought me to blubbering ugly cry tears.  Crying has just been a part of my life.

Which brings me to a problem I'm having.   I can't cry.  I'm on a couple of different medications and maybe they are the culprits.   I don't know.  What I do know is that for the last few months, no matter what the situation, I just can't cry.  I'm not saying its a bad thing necessarily but its awkward when you are in a room full of women who just heard some really sad or inspiring story and the tears are rolling down their faces while you sit there with eyes dry as the desert.

I've had a rough couple of years and did plenty of crying during that time.  I had to be strong for my girls and tried very hard not to cry in front of them.  Things have leveled out and most days are good and maybe its silly to complain about not crying.   However my preschooler graduates this week.  The other moms are already talking about what an emotional mess they are while I sit here feeling pretty level headed.  It would be nice to work up a tear or two for the ceremony.  She's been at the same school since she was a baby.  I worked there for two years.  We have no excuse to go back after Friday.  Its the end of an era.   I feel all of it.  I'm sad that her days there are ending.  Its been a wonderful journey.   But nope, not a single tear working up as I sit here and type it all out.   Its crazy.  

I had the opposite problem 6 months ago.  I couldn't laugh out loud.  The girls would say something funny and say "laugh Mama! that was funny!" and I'd think I AM laughing.   But there was no smile on my face and no sound coming out of my mouth.  I was laughing on the inside but I couldn't get it to come out.   I laugh all the time now.  I have no problem finding the joy in life.  Its like I've gone from one extreme to the other.  

So there ya go.  If you see me out in some situation that is obviously emotional to all involved, please don't think me cold hearted or unfeeling.   The emotions are there. They are just still bottled up.   I've prayed to God to let something touch me enough to bring tears... happy or sad.  I'm glad I've found my joy.  But a balance would be nice. .  My heart is teary eyed.   My body just isn't cooperating.