Life is short. Lately it seems that's an understatement. I am now of the age where people around me are starting to lose their parents. Sometimes a parent loses a child. And yesterday a dear classmate lost his brother who graduated just a year behind us. He was full of life and had a smile that could light up heaven. Death is a part of life. We all know that none of us will get out of here alive. But when there is a sudden loss as in the case of my classmate, it weighs heavily on me and makes me take stock in whether I'm truly living each day as fully as I can. Some days are filled with wild adventures but others are just filled with hours of TV. There are days when I'm just plain tired. Can it be said on those days I'm fully living? What about the days when my girls want to do something fun and I say no because there is laundry and housework to be done. If I said yes all the time we'd be naked and covered in cobwebs, right? Where is the balance?
My life has been filled with many adventures. I haven't climbed any mountains but I've gotten married at the Ringling Bros. Barnum and Bailey Circus. I haven't swum with sharks but I've partied with Cybill Shepherd. I've snuggled with Bill Cosby, been to the top of the Empire State Building, seen almost everyone I'd want to see in concert, been to Mardi Gras twice, Jazz Fest once and I'm about to attend CMA Music Fest for the second time. I've never been to Europe but I got engaged in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. I may never see Australia but I've been to 30 something of the 50 states, including Hawaii. I haven't met a Kennedy but I've performed at Kennedy Center (with my high school choir but hey...). I've never met Harry Connick Jr. but I've hugged his dad. I've planned two very successful high school reunions and I'm in touch with most of my class albeit via Facebook. Elvis died before I was old enough to meet him but I've been to Graceland at least four times and love to attend the Candlelight Vigil every year my schedule permits.
I've been deeply loved and have had my heart broken more than once. I have friends I've known since I was a toddler and made a new friend last week. My family is close and I talk to my mom and siblings often. I know that isn't the case with a lot of families. I have a husband whom I adore and I'm pretty sure he likes me most days. I have two beautiful daughters who drive me crazy and make me proud all in the same heartbeat. I have a job that I truly love and have only had two jobs in my entire career that I didn't feel that way about.
I'll be 42 in two weeks. I've done a lot in 42 years and as I sit here and think about it all, I'd say I've lived quite a full life... full of laughter, full of friendship, full of adventure and spontaneity, and most of all full of love. We don't know what tomorrow will bring but I hope in 42 more years I can write another blog post or whatever is in fashion then and reflect on how much more I've experienced.
Life is short. Make the most of it that you can, even when there is laundry to be done. Make room for the mundane but also don't miss out on the magical. Try new foods because taste buds change (something my 8 year old continually reminds me). Go see a movie you haven't even seen a preview of - surprise yourself. When you see a familiar face, figure out where you know them from and go say hello. Its how I met my husband... we talked three separate times, each a month apart, before exchanging names. If something breaks, repair it if you can but don't put too much energy into it. Stuff is stuff. Relationships are the things you should spend time dusting off, repairing if needed, and cherishing continually. When you are in a moment, "Make a Memory". Its something my mom taught me and I hope I'm passing on to my girls. Life is short but its also full. Listen to the rain, look for the rainbow. Smile at strangers. Be who you are and not who you think you should be. Its very freeing. We all have so much to offer this world and we need to learn to appreciate our differences more instead of judging and trying to change each other. I'm not a huge John Mayer fan but he's right - say what you need to say.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Your Everything - Keith Urban
And on a much happier note, Don and I celebrated 7 years of wedded bliss on Monday. We didn't buy each other a gift although we both considered anti itch cream / powder! We went to see Date Night with Steve Carrell and Tina Fey (well, they weren't at the movie with us but that sure woulda been fun!). It was a fun movie but had a bit too much potty humor for my taste. I did however love the background story about how when you've been married for a while Date Night is something that becomes as routine as everything else. Don and I don't get out much but when we do its dinner and maybe a movie if we think we can stay awake through it. We have our standard restaurants and we aren't brilliant conversationalists when you put work and kids on the forbidden list. Most times we leave the house by 6 and at 7 we're looking at the dinner check thinking "we can't go home yet... the babysitter will think we're lame!" So, sometimes we wander around Target or Blockbuster or just drive aimlessly in an attempt to kill at least another hour. But you know what? I love just being with him whether we're sitting on the couch watching endless episodes of Law and Order or sitting in a desert watching paint dry... it doesn't matter. He is My Everything. He's my cook, my lawn guy, my personal driver, my comedian, my walking music encyclopedia, my dumb joke teller, my prince charming. He's just a good guy. And I think at the end of the day that's what every woman wants... just a Good Guy. Sometimes I sit and think about how blessed I am to have him, even on the days when he calls to say he'll be home late because some last minute problem at work came up or when he comes home grumpy. He has a twinkle in his eye that I know is just for me. He loves our girls with a passion and wants to be a better dad even though he's already doing a great job. He loves God and isn't afraid to say it out loud. He's just a Good Guy. We've had 7 years and I can only pray we are blessed with 50 more.
This was our wedding song. When it came time to choose one this was the choice we both made without knowing what the other was thinking. To this day, he's still the "spark that lights me up". All that I'd been dreaming of and more.
This was our wedding song. When it came time to choose one this was the choice we both made without knowing what the other was thinking. To this day, he's still the "spark that lights me up". All that I'd been dreaming of and more.
Your Everything - Keith Urban
The first time I looked in your eyes I knew
That I would do anything for you
The first time you touched my face I felt
Like I've never felt with anyone else
I wanna give back what you've givin' to me
And I wanna witness all of your dreams
Now that you've shown me who I really am
I wanna be more then just your man
I wanna be the wind that fills your sails
And be the hand that lifts your veil
And be the moon that moves your tide
The sun coming up in your eyes
Be the wheels that never rust
And be the spark that lights you up
All that you've been dreaming of and more
So much more, I wanna be your everything...
When you wake up, I'll be the first thing you see
And when it gets dark you can reach out for me
I'll cherish your words and I'll finish your thoughts
And I'll be your compass baby, when you get lost
I wanna be the wind that fills your sails
And be the hand that lifts your veil
And be the moon that moves your tide
The sun coming up in your eyes
Be the wheels that never rust
And be the spark that lights you up
All that you've been dreaming of and more
So much more, I wanna be your everything...
Be the wheels that never rust
And be the spark that lights you up
All that you've been dreaming of and more
So much more, I wanna be your everything...
I wanna be your everything
Friday, March 12, 2010
Of Love and Loss
(I've recently had a pretty bad bout of writer's block and apologize to my readers (all three of you!) for my absence. However, this post has been writing itself in my head for several days now and is about to come flooding out. For the sake of keeping my readers and being respectful of your time I may break this post into a series.)
Loss is a part of being human. We lose friends, we lose jobs, we lose pets, we lose our memories. We lose people to cancer, to angry words, to old age, to moves, to divorce, to just growing up, graduating high school, and moving into adult life. With loss comes grief. It doesn't matter what kind of loss you have, there will be a grieving process.
I've been thinking about this subject a lot lately for a lot of different reasons. Its almost summertime which means my oldest daughter will be going to California for several weeks. Her travels always make me a bit melancholy in the sense that I "lose" two months of day to day life with her. I usually fly with her on one end of the trip and its still hard sometimes to be around the family I lost in the divorce. My ex mother in law does a wonderful job in trying to make me feel like I still fit in and I truly believe she still loves me "as another daughter" and always will. I'm just the estranged daughter who can only talk about the weather and recent movies we both enjoyed before things get uncomfortable.
My brother is about to move across the ocean to another country and although I know I'll see him again it won't be the same. Text messages don't reach "across the pond". We'll email and we'll Skype but London just seems so very far away and I'm sad about it.
I've been having very vivid dreams always involving a man who was my boss for most of my formative years. I left the job in 2004 and I'm not sure why I'm having trouble with it now but there's Ed, every night in some form or fashion. Sometimes he is my boss still, sometimes he's just in the dream hanging out and contributing witty banter. Maybe its because most of my closer co-workers are on Facebook so we are still in contact but with Ed I only get a phone call or email once or twice a year. I miss him. That might sound strange since he was my superior but ultimately he became family. He saw me through a new marriage, a house purchase, a new baby, a divorce, and eventually a wedding. I saw his kids grow from toddlers to teenagers. We have history and I miss him.
A very dear friend of mine recently moved to Singapore. I'm not sure I'll ever see her again and that pains me. Singapore has never been high on my travel list and I doubt she'll ever make it back to TN.
Most of the time when we think about loss, we think of death. My first dealing with death that I remember was when my fraternal grandmother passed away. I remember being woken up in the middle of the night and told that she had died and that my dad was going to Chicago for the funeral. I had met her a couple of times but due to distance we weren't close. My next experience was with my step-grandfather, Coach. We got that phone call while watching the Miss USA Pagent... or was it Miss Universe? What I remember from the funeral is the limousine. I was about 10 and it was my first time to ride in one. My maternal grandma passed away in 1993. I was 22. I saw her two days before she died and knew the time was near however promised her we'd "do lunch" just as soon as she felt better. Her funeral was at a beautiful old Catholic Church in Downtown Memphis. I remember the stairs, the incense, and singing "On Eagle's Wings". I remember the coat my mom wore that day. Most of all I remember seeing her in the casket in a sweater my mom had given to her. I remember looking at her hands and thinking how much they resembled my mom's.
The next family loss hit me harder. My dear grandpa, my Gramps, my telephone buddy, my travel partner, my friend. He passed away in January 2004. I remember every detail of the phone call at 3am, the next morning, the visit to the funeral home to plan the service and my insistence that yes, he really did want Vince Gill and Elvis to be played. I remember the shock on my mom's face, the arrival of relatives, the laughter at the funeral home during the viewing (laughter?), the military funeral with full honors - the folding of the flag and presentation to my mom, his oldest child. I remember the food afterwards that my new friends from my very new church family had been kind enough to deliver along with paper plates and plastic forks. I still think about him every day. I wish he could see my red headed baby. I wish he could see my beautiful young "Karo" as he called her. I wish he'd had the chance to get to know my husband better. I wish he could give me his thoughts on Lady Gaga! Its been 6 years and I'm still grieving my Gramps. I smile when I think of him but there are days when I still tear up too. There is no time limit on grief. It is a process and everyone deals with it in their own way.
I think where I'm going here is that each loss is different and each person touched me in their own way. My fraternal grandma left me with a lot of costume jewelry and a few personal handwritten letters I will always cherish. Coach left me with a respect for sports, the handicapped (he lost both legs to cancer and was wheelchair bound) and a reminder that cigarettes kill. My grandma left me with a love for poetry, a wonderful memory of making gingerbread houses, and a healthy fear of the alcoholism gene. And my Gramps left me with too much to post here. The common denominator between all of them though was that they all loved me. They all shared in my life and shaped who I am today and who I will become tomorrow.
Loss is one of the most difficult things we humans endure. However when you look at the big picture, the reason that loss is so painful is because love is almost always involved. It literally breaks our hearts when we lose people we love. So how do we endure that heartache? We take the love those people filled our hearts with and we pass it on to others. That's what this life is about. Its all about love. The loss helps us appreciate the love. The human body dies. It will happen to everyone at some point. Love though... love never dies.
Loss is a part of being human. We lose friends, we lose jobs, we lose pets, we lose our memories. We lose people to cancer, to angry words, to old age, to moves, to divorce, to just growing up, graduating high school, and moving into adult life. With loss comes grief. It doesn't matter what kind of loss you have, there will be a grieving process.
I've been thinking about this subject a lot lately for a lot of different reasons. Its almost summertime which means my oldest daughter will be going to California for several weeks. Her travels always make me a bit melancholy in the sense that I "lose" two months of day to day life with her. I usually fly with her on one end of the trip and its still hard sometimes to be around the family I lost in the divorce. My ex mother in law does a wonderful job in trying to make me feel like I still fit in and I truly believe she still loves me "as another daughter" and always will. I'm just the estranged daughter who can only talk about the weather and recent movies we both enjoyed before things get uncomfortable.
My brother is about to move across the ocean to another country and although I know I'll see him again it won't be the same. Text messages don't reach "across the pond". We'll email and we'll Skype but London just seems so very far away and I'm sad about it.
I've been having very vivid dreams always involving a man who was my boss for most of my formative years. I left the job in 2004 and I'm not sure why I'm having trouble with it now but there's Ed, every night in some form or fashion. Sometimes he is my boss still, sometimes he's just in the dream hanging out and contributing witty banter. Maybe its because most of my closer co-workers are on Facebook so we are still in contact but with Ed I only get a phone call or email once or twice a year. I miss him. That might sound strange since he was my superior but ultimately he became family. He saw me through a new marriage, a house purchase, a new baby, a divorce, and eventually a wedding. I saw his kids grow from toddlers to teenagers. We have history and I miss him.
A very dear friend of mine recently moved to Singapore. I'm not sure I'll ever see her again and that pains me. Singapore has never been high on my travel list and I doubt she'll ever make it back to TN.
Most of the time when we think about loss, we think of death. My first dealing with death that I remember was when my fraternal grandmother passed away. I remember being woken up in the middle of the night and told that she had died and that my dad was going to Chicago for the funeral. I had met her a couple of times but due to distance we weren't close. My next experience was with my step-grandfather, Coach. We got that phone call while watching the Miss USA Pagent... or was it Miss Universe? What I remember from the funeral is the limousine. I was about 10 and it was my first time to ride in one. My maternal grandma passed away in 1993. I was 22. I saw her two days before she died and knew the time was near however promised her we'd "do lunch" just as soon as she felt better. Her funeral was at a beautiful old Catholic Church in Downtown Memphis. I remember the stairs, the incense, and singing "On Eagle's Wings". I remember the coat my mom wore that day. Most of all I remember seeing her in the casket in a sweater my mom had given to her. I remember looking at her hands and thinking how much they resembled my mom's.
The next family loss hit me harder. My dear grandpa, my Gramps, my telephone buddy, my travel partner, my friend. He passed away in January 2004. I remember every detail of the phone call at 3am, the next morning, the visit to the funeral home to plan the service and my insistence that yes, he really did want Vince Gill and Elvis to be played. I remember the shock on my mom's face, the arrival of relatives, the laughter at the funeral home during the viewing (laughter?), the military funeral with full honors - the folding of the flag and presentation to my mom, his oldest child. I remember the food afterwards that my new friends from my very new church family had been kind enough to deliver along with paper plates and plastic forks. I still think about him every day. I wish he could see my red headed baby. I wish he could see my beautiful young "Karo" as he called her. I wish he'd had the chance to get to know my husband better. I wish he could give me his thoughts on Lady Gaga! Its been 6 years and I'm still grieving my Gramps. I smile when I think of him but there are days when I still tear up too. There is no time limit on grief. It is a process and everyone deals with it in their own way.
I think where I'm going here is that each loss is different and each person touched me in their own way. My fraternal grandma left me with a lot of costume jewelry and a few personal handwritten letters I will always cherish. Coach left me with a respect for sports, the handicapped (he lost both legs to cancer and was wheelchair bound) and a reminder that cigarettes kill. My grandma left me with a love for poetry, a wonderful memory of making gingerbread houses, and a healthy fear of the alcoholism gene. And my Gramps left me with too much to post here. The common denominator between all of them though was that they all loved me. They all shared in my life and shaped who I am today and who I will become tomorrow.
Loss is one of the most difficult things we humans endure. However when you look at the big picture, the reason that loss is so painful is because love is almost always involved. It literally breaks our hearts when we lose people we love. So how do we endure that heartache? We take the love those people filled our hearts with and we pass it on to others. That's what this life is about. Its all about love. The loss helps us appreciate the love. The human body dies. It will happen to everyone at some point. Love though... love never dies.
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