Where were you when the world stopped turning?

Today is not a day I want to remember but rather a day I feel like I should remember…. always. I can’t believe its been five years. The memories are burned into my brain as clearly as when I saw the Challenger explode, as clearly as the day our school principal announced President Reagan had been shot, as clearly as the day I sat with my brother at a memorial for John Lennon. But somehow, these memories are so much harder to think about. Somehow my brain still wants to think it was all just a horrible dream that everyone I know happened to have. But it certainly wasn’t a dream. It did happen. And today I feel the need to remember. I’m taping a lot of the memorial ceremonies and I’m wearing my NYFD T-shirt. My husband bought it for me that October and all proceeds went to the Firefighters Fund. He bought one for each of us so that we could feel like we were contributing if even just in the smallest way.

I still vividly remember pulling into the parking lot at work and hearing the DJ say a “small” plane just hit the World Trade Center. I ran in and flipped on my computer so I could read about it on MSNBC and since I’m a newshound, decided to go turn on the tv in the kitchen to see if the TODAY show had better info. I stood there in horror as I watched the second plane hit. Immediately everyone realized this was NOT an accident and that certainly wasn’t a commuter plane. I knew I needed to get back to my desk (I was a receptionist at the time) but it was as if my feet were made of lead. I just wanted to stand there and wait for someone to tell me it wasn’t real. The phones were so quiet that day. The only calls we got were from family members and friends who had the next news report or sometimes the next rumor. I remember being terrified to go to a gas station because someone said they were attacking them with sarin gas. My daughter, Kayla, was three and I remember just wanting to race to the daycare and pick her up and hold her. My ex husband had moved to California and we were barely on speaking terms but I remember his phone call and feeling like I should be nice to him at that moment and let bygones be bygones. Don called about every 20 minutes. At that time he had a job where he was on the road most of the day so he had the radio on and was getting constant news reports. I remember the theories that other planes were in the air and that the West Coast was next. I remember that the White House was a target and suddenly they were showing the President in Louisiana about to get on Air Force One to go who knows where. Then the Pentagon was hit. And then of course Pennsylvania. I will remember that entire day for the rest of my life (as I imagine will all of you). The plane crashes were horrific but when the buildings came down, it was the worst news I’d ever heard in my life. I wonder if the terrorists knew the buildings would fall, or even considered they might. I think of all the people who were in stairwells on their way out when the walls came crumbling down around them. Its certainly one of those “Why God????” questions.

The entire day still just seems surreal. I remember finally going home that night and just sitting in front of my TV. I let Kayla fall asleep in my lap and I laid awake all night just watching the news unfold. My mom had just had back surgery so my aunt was here from California and was supposed to fly home on the 12th but of course was stuck here for another week. Those days when the planes were grounded were so odd. I remember looking up at the blue sky and not seeing anything. The first plane I saw when they started to fly again looked too low. A lot of planes look too low to me now.

Over the last five years I’ve found myself drawn to the books, the movies, the documentaries. I didn’t see United 93 but only because it wasn’t in theatres long enough. I will buy it on DVD eventually if only to show Kayla and Gracie when they are old enough. Don and I recently saw World Trade Center and it was an amazing film mostly about the good of that day. Remember the good? Remember how everyone was a lot nicer to others? Remember how you were proud to be an American? Remember how there were flags and red, white, and blue everywhere?

Do you remember the first time you heard laughter after 9/11? Do you remember the day when it was ok to smile again? I didn’t think it would ever be ok. Do you remember the Alan Jackson song….

“Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day
Out in the yard with your wife and children
Working on some stage in LA
Did you stand there in shock at the site of
That black smoke rising against that blue sky
Did you shout out in anger
In fear for your neighbor
Or did you just sit down and cry

Did you weep for the children
Who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don’t know
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left below

Did you burst out in pride
For the red white and blue
The heroes who died just doing what they do
Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer
And look at yourself to what really matters

I’m just a singer of simple songs
I’m not a real political man
I watch CNN but I’m not sure I can tell you
The difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith hope and love are some good things he gave us
And the greatest is love

Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day
Teaching a class full of innocent children
Driving down some cold interstate
Did you feel guilty cause you’re a survivor
In a crowded room did you feel alone
Did you call up your mother and tell her you love her
Did you dust off that bible at home
Did you open your eyes and hope it never happened
Close your eyes and not go to sleep
Did you notice the sunset the first time in ages
Speak with some stranger on the street
Did you lay down at night and think of tomorrow
Go out and buy you a gun
Did you turn off that violent old movie you’re watching
And turn on “I Love Lucy” reruns
Did you go to a church and hold hands with some stranger
Stand in line and give your own blood
Did you just stay home and cling tight to your family
Thank God you had somebody to love

I’m just a singer of simple songs
I’m not a real political man
I watch CNN but I’m not sure I can tell you
The difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith hope and love are some good things he gave us
And the greatest is love

I’m just a singer of simple songs
I’m not a real political man
I watch CNN but I’m not sure I can tell you
The difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith hope and love are some good things he gave us
And the greatest is love

The greatest is love
The greatest is love

Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day?