I went to see Mamma Mia last night with a bunch of girlfriends. My mom had wanted to go with us as well but it just didn’t work out. She kept telling me I’d wish she were there due to the mother daughter wedding scenes. She was right. When Donna was helping Sophie get ready for the wedding and started to sing Slipping Through My Fingers, tears flooded my eyes. I saw myself 20 (15?) years from now with my own daughters at their weddings. I thought about how quickly this summer has passed and all of the things we meant to do together but didn’t. I thought about my 10 year old and how quickly those 10 years have flown by. How quickly will the next 10 fly? How quickly will that be me and her sitting in some room getting her ready for her own nuptuals?
Then I thought of my mom and saw life for just a minute from her perspective. How quickly I must have grown up right in front of her eyes. How often she must have wanted to freeze the picture. I will be leaving home soon. I’ve already left her house but not too far down the road I’ll be leaving the city I’ve lived in the majority of my life. I’ll be leaving the security of having my mom not more than 10 minutes away. I’ll be leaving the ease of just calling her up and meeting for dinner or a movie. We’ve had a really hard time over the last year coming to terms with the reality of it all. Now I see how painful it must be for her to see me slipping through her fingers.
I’m thankful that we live in times of email and Skype and free long distance through cell phones but I also realize that when I leave, things won’t be the same. Sometimes I wish I’d left home at 18 like my siblings did. But mostly I’m glad I’ve had the 37 years of having my mom so close at hand. I’ve only just begun to grieve the loss of the day to day relationship and I know I still have a long way to go. But for just one second yesterday, in a dark movie theatre, I stood in her shoes and had a moment of clarity… all because of a chick flick and an Abba song.
Slipping Through My Fingers – Abba
Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness
And I have to sit down for a while
The feeling that I’m losing her forever
And without really entering her world
I’m glad whenever I can share her laughter
That funny little girl
Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what’s in her mind
Each time I think I’m close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table
Barely awake, I let precious time go by
Then when she’s gone there’s that odd melancholy feeling
And a sense of guilt I can’t deny
What happened to the wonderful adventures
The places I had planned for us to go
(slipping through my fingers all the time)
Well, some of that we did but most we didn’t
And why I just don’t know
Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what’s in her mind
Each time I think I’m close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
And save it from the funny tricks of time
Slipping through my fingers…
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Schoolbag in hand she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile…
Monday, August 4, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
The Great Hot Pocket Incident of 2008
Kayla was cooking a Lean Pocket for breakfast a few minutes ago. I was down here on the computer and started to smell (and see!) smoke. The microwave was on fire and now we've given new meaning to Hot Pockets. I think she set the timer for 10 minutes instead of one. Poor kid. She'll never live this down. The windows are open and the ceiling fans are on but man the house smells! Now watch... someone will call to see the house today... after three weeks and no traffic... it will happen today.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Lions and Tigers and Bears Oh My!
This is a confession of a Circus Bride. Yes, I got married in a three ring ceremony. I entered an essay contest on Why I Wanted my Wedding to be the Greatest Show on Earth and to my amazement, I won! In 1991, my former husband and I got married right before a performance at the Mid South Coliseum. He and his best man rode in on elephants and I had a horse drawn carriage. We had 15 clowns and 15 showgirls as our attendants. We had 50 free circus tickets so all of our family and friends could attend. In all there were 3000 people who stood up when the bride (that’s me) rode by. My dad kept telling me to wave and live it up. I felt like true royalty. Little did I know the marriage would be more of a circus than the ceremony was. Oh, and for the record, we were the second non-circus couple to be married under the Big Top. I wish I could show you the video… or the news footage. Yes, we made all three major networks (local newscasts of course).
My parents had married 29 years before to the day. I wore my mom’s dress just as she did… 1963 coture (sp?) flannel lined silk on a 100 degree day. Even if I was hot, I still felt like a princess. And it fit like a glove! After the ceremony was over we got to perform our first act as a married couple – blowing the official circus whistles that started the show, a duty usually left to the Ringmaster. We were seated in the front row and doted on by circus performers for the next three hours. Clowns sat on my lap, showgirls came up and hugged us and a snowcone guy gave us two large red snowcones free of charge (red snowcones are not good for white wedding dresses).
The clowns were my favorite part. They hammed it up just like they are supposed to. When I was walking to the carriage I had to walk past Clown Alley and one of the clowns had his head poking out of the curtain. He saw me coming and yelled “here she comes!” and all the clowns jumped out to great me as one of them strummed Roy Orbison’s Pretty Woman on the guitar. To this day that is still my most vivid memory. The clowns, the showgirls, the elephants…. that’s one way to get your 15 minutes of fame.
My parents had married 29 years before to the day. I wore my mom’s dress just as she did… 1963 coture (sp?) flannel lined silk on a 100 degree day. Even if I was hot, I still felt like a princess. And it fit like a glove! After the ceremony was over we got to perform our first act as a married couple – blowing the official circus whistles that started the show, a duty usually left to the Ringmaster. We were seated in the front row and doted on by circus performers for the next three hours. Clowns sat on my lap, showgirls came up and hugged us and a snowcone guy gave us two large red snowcones free of charge (red snowcones are not good for white wedding dresses).
The clowns were my favorite part. They hammed it up just like they are supposed to. When I was walking to the carriage I had to walk past Clown Alley and one of the clowns had his head poking out of the curtain. He saw me coming and yelled “here she comes!” and all the clowns jumped out to great me as one of them strummed Roy Orbison’s Pretty Woman on the guitar. To this day that is still my most vivid memory. The clowns, the showgirls, the elephants…. that’s one way to get your 15 minutes of fame.
Friday, March 21, 2008
No news really. I'm bored silly. I've had a few phone calls which were nice. I'm trying to clean out the DVR. After that I'll attack my DVD collection. I was a bit scared at first about touching stuff and I'm still trying to keep the same path around the house so I only have to wipe down certain things tomorrow. Its really wierd because I feel perfectly fine. I feel like getting out and hitting the big sale at Kohl's. However, instead I'm locked in my house with no one to talk to but the cats. Tomorrow can't come fast enough. You'd think three days kid free would be a wonderful thing and maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I could do something besides internet surf or watch tv. But, ok, fine, I'm still a bit scared about touching stuff. I put butter on a roll today... does that mean I have to throw the tub of butter out? Is my toothbrush going to be radioactive? Do I need to put a new bar of soap in the shower tomorrow? Should I keep shoes on at all times so I don't contaminate the carpet? And then what about my shoes? Do I need to throw them in the wash? Is it ok to fold the chlothes in the dryer? Are the kitties going to be radioactive since they are hanging out at my feet or cuddled next to me on the couch (no matter how many times I push them away)?
These are my burning questions.
Don might come by later and throw a Subway sandwich my way. He can't get within 6 feet of me but it will be nice to see him.
This is all going to be worth it in the end. Really. Three days is nothin compared to getting my life back, right?
These are my burning questions.
Don might come by later and throw a Subway sandwich my way. He can't get within 6 feet of me but it will be nice to see him.
This is all going to be worth it in the end. Really. Three days is nothin compared to getting my life back, right?
Friday, March 14, 2008
As most of you know, its been a really long year for me (more than a year if you want to get technical). I've been on thyroid medication since June and my numbers are finally where they should be. However, I'm still having some pretty annoying symptoms and I'm down to two options. I can get off the medication and see if I go into remission (most people don't and those who do don't stay there for longer then a couple of months) or I can have radioactive iodine therapy. I've chosen the latter.
Next Wednesday I'll report to the hospital and swallow a radioactive pill. That whole process will take all of 15 minutes. The next day I'll go back and have what's called a radioactive iodine scan and uptake. Its the same test I had when I was first diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. Basically its a nuclear image of my thyroid and a measurement of the amount of radiotracer my body absorbs.. Once they get my "uptake" number, they will decide how much radiation I need and will give me another pill. That's when the fun starts. From that point on, I'll be radioactive. I'll have to spend several days isolated from others but the actual number of days depends on the amount of radioactive material they have to give me. Nearly all the radioactive iodine should leave my body in the first two days but according to the hospital I'll have to be separated from the girls for at least three days. My other restrictions include using separate bathroom facilities for several days and flushing twice, washing hands frequently, drink lots of water (to flush the RI out), use plastic eating utensils, sleep alone, launder separately, and don't cook for others (darn!). Guess its a good thing I have that extensive DVD collection I keep meaning to watch!
The point of all of this is to kill my thyroid and make me hypothyroid. That condition comes with its own set of problems but is highly treatable and much more easily controlled than hyperthyroidism. The treatment usually takes one to three months to become effective and maximum benefit will occur between three and six months after treatment. I'll have bloodwork every few weeks until my levels stabalize and then I'll have to take thyroid hormone replacement pills for the rest of my life...
a small price to pay for some normalcy.
As for recovery, some people experience a small amount of pain (like a sore throat) that can be treated with over the counter meds. They also recommend keeping hard candy around to prevent dry mouth. I stocked up on Life Savers today but if anyone comes across a bag of Wild Cherry ones, send them my way please. I'm not fond of all the "new" flavors. I much prefer plain old lemon, lime, orange, and cherry.
If you're not doing anything next Thursday, Friday or Saturday, feel free to call and catch up. I think I'm going to have plenty of time on my hands. And if you don't mind, prayers for the logistical side of all of this and good thoughts in general would be appreciated.
Here's to a happier, healthier Me coming soon!
Feel free to ask questions.
Next Wednesday I'll report to the hospital and swallow a radioactive pill. That whole process will take all of 15 minutes. The next day I'll go back and have what's called a radioactive iodine scan and uptake. Its the same test I had when I was first diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. Basically its a nuclear image of my thyroid and a measurement of the amount of radiotracer my body absorbs.. Once they get my "uptake" number, they will decide how much radiation I need and will give me another pill. That's when the fun starts. From that point on, I'll be radioactive. I'll have to spend several days isolated from others but the actual number of days depends on the amount of radioactive material they have to give me. Nearly all the radioactive iodine should leave my body in the first two days but according to the hospital I'll have to be separated from the girls for at least three days. My other restrictions include using separate bathroom facilities for several days and flushing twice, washing hands frequently, drink lots of water (to flush the RI out), use plastic eating utensils, sleep alone, launder separately, and don't cook for others (darn!). Guess its a good thing I have that extensive DVD collection I keep meaning to watch!
The point of all of this is to kill my thyroid and make me hypothyroid. That condition comes with its own set of problems but is highly treatable and much more easily controlled than hyperthyroidism. The treatment usually takes one to three months to become effective and maximum benefit will occur between three and six months after treatment. I'll have bloodwork every few weeks until my levels stabalize and then I'll have to take thyroid hormone replacement pills for the rest of my life...
a small price to pay for some normalcy.
As for recovery, some people experience a small amount of pain (like a sore throat) that can be treated with over the counter meds. They also recommend keeping hard candy around to prevent dry mouth. I stocked up on Life Savers today but if anyone comes across a bag of Wild Cherry ones, send them my way please. I'm not fond of all the "new" flavors. I much prefer plain old lemon, lime, orange, and cherry.
If you're not doing anything next Thursday, Friday or Saturday, feel free to call and catch up. I think I'm going to have plenty of time on my hands. And if you don't mind, prayers for the logistical side of all of this and good thoughts in general would be appreciated.
Here's to a happier, healthier Me coming soon!
Feel free to ask questions.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Dear Sweet Baby of Mine,
I know, I know, you’re not a baby anymore. You remind me of that often. But you’ll always be My Baby. You have brought so much joy to our family in the last three years. Your sweet smile and giggly laugh are contagious. Your eyes twinkle when you smile just like your Daddy’s. God has truly given you such a warm loving spirit and it shows in everything you do. I love that you love to cuddle as much as you do. It just melts my heart when you snuggle in next to me and say “Mommy, I want chu”.
You are a lover of music. You sing and dance constantly and are always asking me to play your cd’s in the car. You especially love Laurie Berkner, Sesame Street and most recently, the Wiggles. However, Sesame Street still gets played the most out of all of them. You and Ernie both have a deep love for your rubber duckies.
I got a sweet compliment about you at church yesterday. The classroom workers said you are the most well behaved, sweetest kid they have in class. I gave a nervous laugh and said thank you thinking they must say that to everyone but they both piped up and said, no really, we mean that. You are so sweet to your friends. You’re only three so sharing is still an issue at times but if someone is crying, you’re the kid who goes up and wants to know what’s wrong and tells them its going to be ok. Let’s see, your best friends are Abby, Zander, Jake Jake, and Kellan. You and Abby and Zander are inseparable at school.
At three you know your ABC’s and know what sound most of the letters make (thank you Word World!). You can count to 20 but for some reason you don’t like the number 16. You really do have nice manners for a toddler always saying please and thank you. You loooove puzzles! You have several 25 piece puzzles hidden under your crib and they are pulled out and played with daily. Your Great Uncle Bill thinks you may have engineering skills after watching you figure out where each piece goes. Maybe that means you’ll be good at math too. Let’s hope so! You love the computer and play on your Noggin games or on Sesame Street .com every day. You can navigate those websites almost as well as your Sissy. You adore your Rose Petal Cottage and your baby dolls / stuffed animals. You are always putting someone down for a nap, feeding them breakfast, or changing a diaper. Your imaginary world is so fun to be a part of!
You and Kayla are best buddies. I love watching the two of you all sleepy eyed in the morning, curled up in your blankets in front of the TV watching Curious George. Your Sissy is a great helper and loves to make your breakfast and play with you and she’s even trying to help you get potty trained…. yeah, that’s a slow going process but we’re gonna keep working on it. They won’t let you into kindergarten in diapers Kiddo!
This has been a hard year for us all as Daddy is away a lot and we’re still trying to get the house ready to sell. You’ve learned what it means to miss someone and it breaks my heart to hear you say you want Daddy. I do too sweetie. I do too. We’ll all be back together soon. Yesterday you woke up before he left. I think he was happy to be able to give you another birthday hug. I know how sad he is not to be able to be with you today. He has his phone alarm set for 1:30 though so that he can be on the phone with us at 1:33. Your Daddy is sweet like that. We’re all just so blessed.
My Gracie Girl, Graceapottamus, Gracie Bear Bear, you are loved. My cup runneth over with love for you my sweet Baby girl. Happy Happy Happy Birthday. May all your dreams come true.
Love,
Mama
I know, I know, you’re not a baby anymore. You remind me of that often. But you’ll always be My Baby. You have brought so much joy to our family in the last three years. Your sweet smile and giggly laugh are contagious. Your eyes twinkle when you smile just like your Daddy’s. God has truly given you such a warm loving spirit and it shows in everything you do. I love that you love to cuddle as much as you do. It just melts my heart when you snuggle in next to me and say “Mommy, I want chu”.
You are a lover of music. You sing and dance constantly and are always asking me to play your cd’s in the car. You especially love Laurie Berkner, Sesame Street and most recently, the Wiggles. However, Sesame Street still gets played the most out of all of them. You and Ernie both have a deep love for your rubber duckies.
I got a sweet compliment about you at church yesterday. The classroom workers said you are the most well behaved, sweetest kid they have in class. I gave a nervous laugh and said thank you thinking they must say that to everyone but they both piped up and said, no really, we mean that. You are so sweet to your friends. You’re only three so sharing is still an issue at times but if someone is crying, you’re the kid who goes up and wants to know what’s wrong and tells them its going to be ok. Let’s see, your best friends are Abby, Zander, Jake Jake, and Kellan. You and Abby and Zander are inseparable at school.
At three you know your ABC’s and know what sound most of the letters make (thank you Word World!). You can count to 20 but for some reason you don’t like the number 16. You really do have nice manners for a toddler always saying please and thank you. You loooove puzzles! You have several 25 piece puzzles hidden under your crib and they are pulled out and played with daily. Your Great Uncle Bill thinks you may have engineering skills after watching you figure out where each piece goes. Maybe that means you’ll be good at math too. Let’s hope so! You love the computer and play on your Noggin games or on Sesame Street .com every day. You can navigate those websites almost as well as your Sissy. You adore your Rose Petal Cottage and your baby dolls / stuffed animals. You are always putting someone down for a nap, feeding them breakfast, or changing a diaper. Your imaginary world is so fun to be a part of!
You and Kayla are best buddies. I love watching the two of you all sleepy eyed in the morning, curled up in your blankets in front of the TV watching Curious George. Your Sissy is a great helper and loves to make your breakfast and play with you and she’s even trying to help you get potty trained…. yeah, that’s a slow going process but we’re gonna keep working on it. They won’t let you into kindergarten in diapers Kiddo!
This has been a hard year for us all as Daddy is away a lot and we’re still trying to get the house ready to sell. You’ve learned what it means to miss someone and it breaks my heart to hear you say you want Daddy. I do too sweetie. I do too. We’ll all be back together soon. Yesterday you woke up before he left. I think he was happy to be able to give you another birthday hug. I know how sad he is not to be able to be with you today. He has his phone alarm set for 1:30 though so that he can be on the phone with us at 1:33. Your Daddy is sweet like that. We’re all just so blessed.
My Gracie Girl, Graceapottamus, Gracie Bear Bear, you are loved. My cup runneth over with love for you my sweet Baby girl. Happy Happy Happy Birthday. May all your dreams come true.
Love,
Mama
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Gramps
Today marks four years since my Gramps died. That was a fast four years. Tonight around the dinner table we all told our favorite memory of him. Actually I'm not sure I ever got a turn because Don remembered a story that Gramps told us one night when we were out at Red Lobster (his favorite restaurant).
My grandpa was in the military and was scheduled to come home by plane. I think there was a snowstorm of some sort and the plane crashed. Everyone on it died. My grandmother and family were told he was dead. They all cried and started to plan his funeral. Late into the evening everyone had gone to bed. There was a knock at the door and my mom's cousin Bobby answered it. It was Gramps, alive and well. He took Gramps down to the basement and they decided to surprise my grandma (probably not the brightest idea but I remember Gramps giggling like a kid when he told us). Of course she nearly had a heart attack when she saw him. Turns out he got bumped from the plane by the wife of a General. The General offered to drive Gramps home (there wasn't a spot for him on the plane either) but Gramps refused because he was so mad that he got bumped. Little did he know his life would be spared that night! He said he's never forgotten that General and his wife and couldn't even imagine the heartache the General went through after the crash.
Gramps was more like my Daddy than my grandpa. I cherished him (and still do). I adored him (and still do). I miss him every minute of every day. He lived such a long wonderful life full of stories and adventures like the one above. He was ready to go but I do wish he could have stuck around just a couple of years more. He would have loved Gracie and would have been thrilled to see her red hair!
He called me Baby. I called him Old Man. Sometimes he called me Betsey Boo. He collected baseball hats and always wore the one you gave him when he'd see you. He had pineapple upside down cake every birthday (Christmas Eve). He loved westerns and country music... even the new hip stuff like Garth Brooks and Tim McGraw/ Faith Hill. He never missed a CMA awards show. He loved to watch Miss America too. Its ironic that the pagent is on tonight. He would keep a notepad and score his top 10 and then compare with the judges. He was usually able to pick the winner correctly. He collected postcards and had them all pinned up on his wall along with a huge map of the US where he put map pins in each city he had received a card from.
My mom was born 9-29-45 so this picture must have been taken right before Grandma got pregnant.
My grandpa was in the military and was scheduled to come home by plane. I think there was a snowstorm of some sort and the plane crashed. Everyone on it died. My grandmother and family were told he was dead. They all cried and started to plan his funeral. Late into the evening everyone had gone to bed. There was a knock at the door and my mom's cousin Bobby answered it. It was Gramps, alive and well. He took Gramps down to the basement and they decided to surprise my grandma (probably not the brightest idea but I remember Gramps giggling like a kid when he told us). Of course she nearly had a heart attack when she saw him. Turns out he got bumped from the plane by the wife of a General. The General offered to drive Gramps home (there wasn't a spot for him on the plane either) but Gramps refused because he was so mad that he got bumped. Little did he know his life would be spared that night! He said he's never forgotten that General and his wife and couldn't even imagine the heartache the General went through after the crash.
Gramps was more like my Daddy than my grandpa. I cherished him (and still do). I adored him (and still do). I miss him every minute of every day. He lived such a long wonderful life full of stories and adventures like the one above. He was ready to go but I do wish he could have stuck around just a couple of years more. He would have loved Gracie and would have been thrilled to see her red hair!
He called me Baby. I called him Old Man. Sometimes he called me Betsey Boo. He collected baseball hats and always wore the one you gave him when he'd see you. He had pineapple upside down cake every birthday (Christmas Eve). He loved westerns and country music... even the new hip stuff like Garth Brooks and Tim McGraw/ Faith Hill. He never missed a CMA awards show. He loved to watch Miss America too. Its ironic that the pagent is on tonight. He would keep a notepad and score his top 10 and then compare with the judges. He was usually able to pick the winner correctly. He collected postcards and had them all pinned up on his wall along with a huge map of the US where he put map pins in each city he had received a card from.
My mom was born 9-29-45 so this picture must have been taken right before Grandma got pregnant.
Gramps, Grandma, and my mom
The first time he met me
They were each other's favorite playmates
I miss you Gramps.
The first time he met me
They were each other's favorite playmates
I miss you Gramps.
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