Things were trucking along pretty well for us for a while now. And then last night happened. Due to a freakish medical incident ((#RespecttheHIPPAyall)), Don had a single car accident. Car (borrowed from a friend) totaled, Don thankfully just bruised but what this is really about is just the reminder of how precious each moment is. 

The car stopped feet away from a gas line.

The car didn't hit the tree in the path. 

The accident happened on our street (literally 10 ft from our house-  and not on Hwy 64 where he could have hit someone head on. 

He was wearing a seatbelt and the airbag worked. 

So many factors could have been different. Don't take your family for granted. Don't take your health for granted. We are still processing the situation and there are a lot of complicated things ahead but my husband is asleep in the bedroom instead of a hospital or not here at all. 

For that I'm grateful.

Do what you love, love what you do

I have always firmly believed that you should do what you love and love what you do. I've been pretty lucky to have jobs that make me feel like I'm making a difference in the world (except for that one month I worked as "Label Maintenance" at Target ...just me and a bunch of shelves and price labels. It's as awful as it sounds)

I had a possible new opportunity come my way this week and while I would have enjoyed it, I know in my heart I am exactly where God wants me to be right now. On Monday AM, three of my kids nearly knocked me over as they ran towards me screaming "Ms Betsey we missed you!!!!" and wrapping their arms around my legs in the best kind of five year old hug. On Tuesday they showered me with Valentine love. 

And today, well today I cried the sweetest, proudest tears, as the kid who struggles the most to learn, made a perfect J with Froot Loops and then asked to do it again. He's learning!! And I'm teaching him! Who can ask for more?? 

#MsBetseysPreschoolAdventures #Ilovemyjob#itsnotworkwhenyouwoulddoitforfree #blessed

Thoughts on life and death...

I know a lot of people who have earned their angel wings. A lot. 

But since I was very young, I've been very aware of the fragility of life. I consider that perspective a gift. It's why I try not to sweat the small stuff. It's why I do my best to find old friends and keep old friends. It's why I wear deelyboppers on my head in public and why I laugh at my class clown for just a second before trying to regain control of the room. It's why I love to tell strangers their smile or laugh made me smile. It's why I try to always make sure friends and family know how much they mean to me. Say what you need to say-Always. It's why I love a good book and a great movie... everyone has a story to tell and everyone's story deserves to be heard. It's part of why I believe in God because I find comfort in knowing those lost are still watching over me. And faith is the only way I can deal with the sudden, much too young losses.

I have to believe there is a plan and a purpose. The people who have gone before me have all left a mark on my soul. I remember their smiles, their voices, their laughs. Every person I meet changes me hopefully for the better. I long to be someone who others see as kind, compassionate and loving. Because even if we all plan to live to be 117, there will always be those who leave us too soon. I want to make sure my last words to them were kind ones and I pray maybe I changed their life for the better too.

So yes, I know a lot of angels but that just means my life is rich and full. Life isn't about politics or business or money or things. Life is about humanity and compassion and kindness and love. Life is fragile but it was also meant to be LIVED OUT LOUD! It's meant to be fun and silly and spontaneous and even sad and tragic and unexpected. Sometimes all of those things happen in one single day. But embrace it! With each moment LOVE fully and smile at strangers. Cry at Hallmark commercials and just sit on the couch doing nothing with your significant other or your kids. Those insignificant moments become significant when memories are all that are left behind. 

#ibelieveinangels #kindnessmatters #makeeverybreathcount#wearthedeelybopperswithwildabandon

May all your days be Circus Days

By now you have probably heard the Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey is disbanding the Circus in May. I know people have feelings about the animal acts but to me the Circus will always be a special place and the news makes me sad. 

Most but not all of you know my first wedding took place during a performance of the Ringling Brothers Circus. I won an essay contest on "Why I Want my Wedding to be the Greatest Show on Earth. Over 300 people entered the contest. We were the second non circus couple in history to be married under the big top....the first just a week before us - same contest, different part of the country. 

Before the wedding I was back in Clown Alley and one of the clowns played Roy Orbison's Pretty Woman on his guitar as I walked by. My ex and his best man rode in on elephants and I had a horse drawn carriage. The calliope played the wedding march and 15 clowns and 15 showgirls were our attendants. The ringmaster escorted my mom in. Our first act as a married couple was to blow the whistles that start the Circus. The lights went out and we were quickly escorted to our seats. When the lights came on I was face to face with an elephant. I ate sno cones and popcorn in my wedding dress while sitting front row center.

It's a part of my life I will never forget. Thanks for the memories Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus. May all your Days be Circus Days!

MLK and me

I was born in 1971. Segregation was over and I grew up with friends of all races. My generation is the first where we could go to school together, drink from the same water fountains, date freely, and even just ride a bus together. This week I've been thinking about all of the times race has been a factor in my life. I remember when I was in elementary school and didn't know any better we were so angry about the busing. Some of the kids changed the words of Pink Floyds "Brick in the Wall" to "We don't need no blacks at our school". I was naive enough to join in and actually wrote about it in my diary along with my feelings about Dr. Willie Herenton. (Hey, Willie, leave us kids alone!). Keep in mind I was 10 at the time.

I vividly remember the disdain of my next door neighbor when she found out a black family was moving into the house on the corner. I remember bringing black friends to my house and my dad making comments that I won't repeat here. I also remember him saying that word that makes me cringe when talking about why he couldn't get a job at FedEx. We were in the car and he was ranting and I calmly looked at him and asked him to never say that word in my presence again. He hasn't.

Its hard for me to fathom that people I'm friends with currently went through such discrimination. It really hurts my heart. Every one of my elementary / high school friends' parents lived through the 50's and 60's. I cannot even fathom living in world like that. To be taught to act that way towards another human being... or to teach my children that kind of attitude. I guess that's what hurts my heart the most... none of us are born realizing our differences. Its all taught. Nobody is born a bigot. I still see it in some of the posts on my feed which means they are teaching their children the same attitudes. I see my best friend endure it in the workplace and in her struggle to raise her three children - to teach them we are equal even though the world still disagrees. I went to see the movie Hidden Figures yesterday and cried at the things "the coloreds" endured. We have come a long way thankfully but we still have miles to go.

"I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character." - Martin Luther King, Jr and Betsey Harwood Bogen#kindnessmatters

18 years

My favorite customer this morning was a woman who had her two daughters with her.  They were probably about 6 and 8 and would wander just a few feet away from their mom to check out the stuffed animals or some of the trinkets around the cash register.  She was visibly frustrated trying to herd them like cats.  The girls were not disruptive and certainly weren't hurting anything so I smiled and told the mom that although I could certainly relate to her frustration, try to remember we only get 18 Very Short Years.  We chatted about how life moves so fast and the normal everyday stuff gets in the way of remembering to savor the magical (that also happens everyday).  She took a breath and said "Thank You, I needed that."

This afternoon at Target I saw a couple of blonde headed little boys exploring the shelves and heard their dad an aisle over calling them back to him.  When I turned the corner, the two boys were with their dad along with an older brother AND the dad was pushing a double stroller that held newborn twins, one boy, one girl.  I commented about her being the only girl and he smiled and told me her older sister was in another part of the store with mom.  Wow!  I tried to do the math... seven? No, six.  Dad smiled at the babies in the stroller and said "They were a surprise.".  I laughed and commented that one is a surprise, two is a shock!  He responded by saying one was a surprise, two was an even sweeter surprise.   

Not everyone is meant to be a parent but I'm certain it is exactly what I was meant to be.  My two girls remind me to see the wonder and magic in everyday life.  They fascinate me.  They confuse me.  They frustrate me.  They amaze me.

My oldest is on the threshold of 18.  How the hell did that happen??  Seriously.  Yesterday she was a short little toddler with big blue eyes and the prettiest blonde ringlets.  She was sassy, smart, and sweet.  She loved animals, french fries, and chocolate.  Did I mention she was stubborn?  Way more stubborn than anyone I had ever met in my lifetime.  I wasn't sure what to do with all that fire in her eyes.  One minute she was the most loving little girl wrapping me in a big hug.  The next she was throwing a tantrum complete with kicking and screaming.  I would just shut her door and let her squeal which only made her even more mad.  I read parenting books about "high spirited" children and talked to my mom about my sister who was a bit high spirited herself.  But only experience taught me how to handle this little hurricane I was given to raise.  It only took me 17 and 1/2 years but I've got her all figured out now.... just in time for her to take that free independent sassy spirit into the real world and start figuring it out on her own.  Oh, I'll never stop being her mom.  I'll always be here anytime she needs me and I'm certainly not packing her bags and throwing her out anytime soon.  But the raising part?  That's about done.  She is who she is and I learned a long time ago I couldn't stop that strong will no matter what I did or said. She is still every bit of who she was when she was little but now she speaks German instead of Whinese.
I pray I've taught her kindness and compassion above all.  I pray that she and I will always be close no matter where her free spirit takes her.   Mostly I hope she knows I gave her (and will always give her) my best. 

My youngest is 10.  We still have a few years of figuring each other out.  She is right on the edge of bouncing between Sweet and Eye roll.  At 10 she is taller than I ever hoped to be at that age and will soon outgrow my shoe size.  She is a lover of Minecraft, LEGOs, lizards and Harry Potter. Oh and fedora hats!  She has one for every day of the week.  Although the teen years are fast approaching, I hope to have an easier time with her.  She is a redhead which automatically gives her some spunk and sass but she is much less obstinate than her older sister.  The stubborn streak is there but the iceberg melts a little faster.  We are constantly learning how to communicate.  She is learning to trust that maybe I really was 10 once and can somewhat understand what she's feeling.  I am learning to be very patient as she tries to figure out all the new feelings that pre-teens have to deal with.  While my oldest is the hurricane, this kid is more like a supercell thunderstorm.  Its sunny one moment, the skies turn dark, there is some thunder, lightning, high winds and a downpour... and then you get the rainbow.   When those storms come in the next few years I need to remind myself to watch for the rainbow.

18 years goes by in such a flash.  You can tell any new parent that but they won't believe you until their own kid is 6 months away from legal adulthood.  The messy faces, the endless laundry, the temper tantrums, the teenage angst, the not so great report card grades, the scolding, the tears (mom and child!)... all gone in a flash.  None of that will matter in the end.  The hugs, the tea parties, the snuggles, the lullabies, the talks in the car when the kids think you are just making conversation but you are secretly trying to teach them something, the field trips, the giggles, the walks around the neighborhood, more hugs and snuggles... that's what you remember.  After 18 years that's what will make you smile when the house is too quiet.  The love.  In the end that's all parenting really is.  Endless Unconditional Love. 

Serenity

During the time Kayla was hospitalized, I looked up the Serenity Prayer that we are all familiar with.  You know, the one usually associated with AA and other recovery groups.  I was surprised to see there is more to the prayer than just that first verse.  The whole thing goes like this…  

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Amen.

I kept that prayer loaded on my phone as Kayla recovered and it has become almost the perfect prayer to me.  There was so much that happened that was just out of my control and I had no choice but to surrender it.  I recently used it in a talk I gave at a spiritual retreat and found myself saying the words in my head when I felt overwhelmed by the things happening that weekend.  You see I was the time keeper and was responsible for keeping everything on schedule.  Those who know me know that being prompt is just not my thing.  The prayer helped me remember that as a human I can only do so much.  There will be trials, tragedy, and things that are just beyond my realm of understanding.   God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.  Trusting Him is a lifetime struggle for a lot of us but the peace that comes with that trust is like nothing else you've ever experienced.  Try it for just one day and see how it goes.  It might be enough to make you want to try it again the next day.