It's not You, Its Me

This post is inspired by a conversation I had with a friend today, a Facebook post by my husband, and hearing the song "Never Say Goodbye" by Bon Jovi.   All three things happened within a few minutes of each other and got me thinking about break ups.  Mostly high school ones.

My very first break up was heart wrenching as first break ups often are.  We had been at a church dance and on the way home he got mad at me for flirting with another guy.  I didn't even realize I was doing it.  I'm a Gemini.  I flirt.  It meant nothing but he thought otherwise.  We remained friends but at a distance which killed me.  Thankfully years later we were able to talk about it and had some closure.  He is still a very dear friend of mine.

There was the guy in high school who I never even though would date me in the first place.  I had a bad experience at my Senior prom and was telling him about it the Monday after when he said "I would have taken you to prom if you'd asked me".  Seriously?  Wow.  That lead to a couple of months of bliss.   However I was also involved with a guy long distance and one night he said "its me or him".   I chose the long distance guy.  After I made my choice he said "I'll take you home.  I never wanted to marry you anyway."   I know those words were said out of pain and ouch did they hurt!  I also think he really did think about marrying me... I thought about marrying him too.

And then there was MT.  I met him at a church dance (not the church dance mentioned above mind you).  I was a Junior, he a Senior.  We dated for a couple of months and he even invited me to his prom.  Before prom however came the Sadie Hawkins dance.  Sadie Hawkins is where the girl asks the guy and they both wear the same shirt.  You get "married" by the old country preacher and sit on bales of hay for your picture.   I thought we had a great time.   We got in the car to go home (which was literally across the street) and he said to me "I'll call you.".   I knew right then and there he wouldn't.  I got a good laugh when I got the dance pictures and his eyes were closed.

A year later there was a knock on my door and it was him.  He apologized for being such a jerk and wanted a second chance.  Silly me gave it to him.   We went out that weekend and he brought me to meet his roommates (I was a Senior now and he had graduated).   After meeting the guys we went downtown to one of my favorite restaurants.  Just as we sat down the roommates showed up.  Just a coincidence, right?  That's what I thought.   They ate with us and then we headed back to our part of town for a movie (Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure).  Bought tickets and popcorn, found a seat and then ...yep, roommates showed up and sat with us.  By this time I was getting a bit irritated.   Went to Burger King after the movie and yeah, second verse, same as the first.   Strangest date ever.  A couple of days later I get a phone call from one of said roommates.  We chatted for a few minutes and he asked if I'd like to go out that weekend.  Huh?   I said "um, I think M might not like that" to which he responded "oh, M gave me your number!"    Needless to say I never saw MT again.  Roommate and I however have remained lifelong friends.  Introducing R to me is the best thing MT ever did.

High school breakups can tear apart our hearts.  They bring tears and pain.   They mold and shape how we handle other relationships in our adult life.  With two daughters I'm glad I have these experiences to share with them one day.  I remember all of those "boys" fondly (well, maybe with one exception).   They all left a permanent mark on my heart. I think Kevin from The Wonder Years said it best - "Maybe part of loving is learning to let go. "

When You Care Enough to Send the Very Best

My name is Betsey and I'm a Hallmark-aholic. I grew up knowing that greeting cards were an important part of not only holidays but everyday life.  My mom and I have always sent cards to each other for every occasion and just because its Tuesday.  One of our favorite pastimes has been to stand in a Hallmark store and show each other funny card after funny card.   I would dare to bet we were one of the first customers to buy a Shoebox card. I can't tell you how many times members of my family have sent the same card to one another.  And yes, I keep them.  I have decorative hat boxes and I keep every card I get.  I see it as a life history... the notes that will one day help me write my memoirs.  Each card sparks a memory of a special moment or person in my life.

I've always wanted to work for Hallmark so when the opportunity presented itself in October I jumped at the chance.  I worked at an independent store for about three months and recently moved over to a Corporate store - the biggest store in the South actually.   Its like being in Heaven.  Every day my job consists of greeting people with a smile and helping them find just that perfect gift or card.  I'm a natural and it feels wonderful to do what I love.  Everyone has a story to tell and I love to listen.   My days are filled with what is called Hallmark Gold Crown Moments.  I get paid to help build relationships.  And sometimes I even get to form new relationships with my customers.  What can be better than that?!

One of my favorite customers was a woman named Sara.   I say was because she will not be able to come visit me at my new store as its across town and doesn't drive that far anymore.  The first time I ever met her she had low blood sugar and needed candy immediately.  I gave her a bar of Godiva chocolate with orange filling and I'll never forget watching her shaky hands try to open the wrapper.  She stuffed almost the whole thing in her mouth at one time and within minutes had stopped shaking.   Her husband has Alzheimer's and she only gets out when she can get a sitter for him.  She always came with a list and I would read the cards to her and help her pick just the right one for each person.  Then we had to find envelopes to match.  A card with a plain white envelope would never do.  She would pick a color in the design of the card and we would search until we found just the right shade of yellow or blue or green.  Some would call her high maintenance but in some way I think it was her way of escaping the sadness at home.  Once she picked out her cards she would always purchase whatever stuffed animal was on sale.  She had no children but the animals brought her so much joy.  Her face would just light up when she pushed the button that would make the toy sing or dance.  She came in on the very last day I was at the other store and asked me to write down my name and birthday in her calendar along with my address.  I look forward to June when I'm pretty sure I will receive my very own Hallmark card picked out by sweet Sara.  

Today was filled with many Gold Crown moments.  I helped a grandma-to-be pick out a special gift for her new granddaughter.  I got to help a man pick out thank you cards for the gals in his office.  He was giving out bonus checks and wanted to make sure they were presented in a special way.  I connected with a customer because she was wearing a Michael Buble hat and she ended up showing me a You Tube video that I am now sharing with you (pardon some of the language).  I helped a man find the perfect "happy" for his daughter who he was about to meet for an impromptu lunch.  I spent at least 20 minutes with one woman trying to help her find just the right jewelry to match a shirt she had just bought at the boutique next door.  My favorite moment today though came when my high school choir teacher came in, took one look at me and instantly recognized me (we're talking 25 years people!).   We had a wonderful chat and it was so much fun catching up with her and helping her find a gift for her 88 year old mother.  This all happened in a four hour time span.  And every single shift is like this.  I wish I could carry a notepad around and jot down the stories I hear and the moments that make me smile. 

I'm so grateful not only to have a job but to have what is literally my dream job.  I may not be saving lives or creating masterpieces but I'm touching hearts and funny bones and to me that's the greatest thing in the world. 

My proof there IS a God - Part Deux

I spent the weekend at the Mid-South Great Banquet.  Its a 72 hour renewal weekend and I went as a guest in October of 2004.  This is the fourth team I have worked on and every weekend has its own unique spirit filled moments.  There are 15 talks during the weekend and after each talk we discuss in small groups and then make a poster or come up with a skit to share with the rest of the group later that evening.   

Saturday's first talk was about making time to study God's Word.  The speaker mentioned how there are so many resources available to us including countless Bible translations.  Our table decided to do a skit.   I was the owner of a bookstore and a customer came in trying to find a Bible she could understand.  One of my life verses is Matthew 11:28-30 and we decided I would show the customer that verse in three different translations.  

The first was the NIV which says this :   

²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

 The gal playing the customer said she was really confused about why the pastor was talking about eggs in the sermon.  The routine went on for several minutes.   Everyone thought it was hilarious.  Trust me.  It was a "you had to be there" kind of moment.   As we read the verse from two other versions she realized it wasn't about eggs at all. 

The New Century Version says this:

²⁸ "Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Accept my teachings and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit, and you will find rest for your lives. ³⁰ The burden that I ask you to accept is easy; the load I give you to carry is light."

And my personal favorite, The Message Translation, puts it like this -

^28-30"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

The next day at the closing service for the retreat, the pastor had a short message before Communion.  As she started to read Matthew 11:28-30, the solemn room burst into laughter.   She was REALLY confused since she had missed the poster party the night before.   She stopped long enough for us to settle back down and read another verse  - Galatians 5:1 which says

¹ It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

 As soon as she said yoke we cracked up again.   Poor Missy.  She had no idea what was so funny.

We completed the service and I immediately went to Missy to explain the outbursts.  She chuckled and said "When I prayed this morning, those are the verses He gave to me."  

Coincidence?  I think not.  If anyone knows when we humans need a laugh, its God. 

My proof that there is a God

I don't need proof that there is a God but some days God just makes himself known loud and clear.  Friday was one of those days for me.  I'm about to change jobs and have been quite attached to three particular customers at the current store I work for.  I had been whispering prayers since I gave my two week notice that I would be able to say goodbye to those three special people.  As of Friday, two of the three had come into the store.  The third, an older woman named Sarah, only shopped once a month because her husband has Alzheimer's and she has to have a sitter for him when she leaves the house.   I knew it wasn't likely that she would come in but around 11am, there she was.   I was so glad to see her and let her know I was moving on to bigger and better things.  She said she was sad to see me go but wanted me to take her name and number so we could stay in touch.  She said she would take my info but she loses things easily.   I always see her with her pocket Hallmark calendar which she uses to keep track of which birthday cards she needs to buy that month.  I put my contact info on the back and she made me write in my birthday as well.  Sometimes God is in the smallest of things.

Later in the work day a customer came in and looked a bit lost so I asked if I could help.  She said she needed gift bags for a wedding and baby shower.   We got the wedding stuff taken care of and then as I pointed her to the baby gift bags she said, "its for my daughter... the one who wasn't supposed to be able to have kids".  Stories like that always make me smile.  We found the perfect bags and bows and I asked if she needed a card.  She thought a second and decided it would be a good idea so I led her to that area and we began trying to find just the right card.  She had one in her hand but I handed her one more to look at just to be sure.  The sentiment on the outside was beautiful but it was the inside message that sold her and brought us both to tears.   It said "God bless you as you await your little miracle".   Sometimes God is in the smallest of things.

That night I got a phone call from my husband.  We had been awaiting some news from friends who were at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota.  There was a prayer service for Cat and Paul last Sunday at church.  There is a Facebook page where people can leave messages and prayers and I've received notification after notification of just that.   We were all hoping for and honestly expecting a miracle.  I could tell by my husband's voice that something was wrong.   He said "Its definitely ALS."  My heart sank for our friends... for their children... for my husband who has become quite close to Paul in the last few years.  I was saddened by what this means for their family although I hoped the definite diagnosis would bring peace to them after so many years of simply not knowing.

Later in the evening there was this post from Paul on Facebook -

What a beautiful night tonight outside, lil chilli but nice .......... And no worries everyone this won't change me, God will prevail. The ONLY thing to do keep on keeping on. Thanks to all for there prayers, they were heard and answered. God isn't done with me yet.

And today on Facebook Cat posted this - 

So...for those that don't yet know, Paul diagnosis was confirmed to be ALS. We are doing this Paul and Cat style... That is with the peace and joy of the Lord! We know there is a plan, we aren't just privy to all of it and that is fine. The JOY comes from knowing the Lord and having such living and supportive friends and family! We are too blessed too be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!

All God asks of us is to have the faith of a mustard seed.  Cat and Paul are amazing testimonies to how when you let Him God will take care of all your needs.  All you have to do is ask and believe ... in other words, have faith.

 Yes, sometimes God is in the smallest of things.  I'm so very thankful that He is ALWAYS right there with us in the Big things too.   This is for you Cat and Paul.  We love you!!

Love One Another

I have been a Christian my entire life.  There is not a day I can remember when I didn't believe in God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.  I've had my trials in life and my fair share of drama but not once did I doubt God had me in the palm of His hand and that everything would be alright.  

I was raised Catholic and have spent most of my adult life in a Presbyterian church.  The two religions are somewhat similar and I've been comfortable in both.  Ultimately what religion my church happens to practice is not as important to me as my personal relationship with God.   However I think it is important to belong to a church community for the fellowship, accountability and support it offers.   During the times in my life where I have not been connected to a church, I have felt a huge void in my life.  Which brings me to the point of this post. 

There is no perfect church.  There is no perfect Christian.  We all fail God's vision for us every single day because we are human.  I have been very blessed to be a part of some amazing church families in my lifetime.  I adore the church community we are a part of right now.   I look forward to many years of raising our children there.  However, tonight I am struggling.  I am wishing there was no such thing as church politics and that we could all just Love One Another and it would be just that easy.   I understand that people have opinions and have every right to express them.  I just wish I didn't feel so scared to express my own.  I am wondering if I'm in the right denomination.  I really think I'm more of a "non-denominational" gal but in this city, most of the time, that means Baptist.   I know that is not the right place for me.  I've had a really hard time finding a place to fit in the Christian community because I have a hard time with the hypocrisy that goes along with it.  

So many Christian people claim to have an "all inclusive" "everyone is welcome" attitude only to be very blunt about their feelings when it comes to gays, drug addicts, criminals, and even people of a different race.  I'm not claiming to be free from my own prejudices.  I am human after all.  But if there is one thing I think Jesus meant more than anything it was "Love Thy Neighbor".   Jesus was all about love and acceptance and forgiveness.  Why is it so hard for us to be the same way??  (That's a rhetorical question)   

What got me stirred up tonight was a conversation I was a part of (well, one I listened to) tonight.   As some of you readers know, I have two gay siblings.  Its very difficult to be a part of a mostly conservative church when you have a family dynamic like mine.  I adore my brother and sister and their respective partners.  Tonight I got to hear what some of my church friends think of people with a more liberal mindset and although it didn't surprise me, its very hard for me to sit and nod my head like I agree with the majority.  I guarantee those people had no idea how uncomfortable it was for me to stay silent, let alone stay in the room.  My brother and sister both believe in God.  They pray.  They have a relationship with Jesus.  But I think if they were in town and came to my church with their partners in tow, it would make many people in the congregation uncomfortable.  And that makes me sad. 

Luke 6:31 states the Golden Rule -  ³¹" Do to others as you would like them to do to you".   

 But do you now what it says next? 

 ³² “If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them! ³³ And if you do good only to those who do good to you, why should you get credit? Even sinners do that much! ³⁴ And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, why should you get credit? Even sinners will lend to other sinners for a full return.”     

We are called to love all people as Jesus did– no exceptions.  Its not easy... I struggle with it every day but I try to teach my daughters the Golden Rule by example.  I guess my point of posting this is to challenge you to do the same. 

Collin Raye had a song called "What if Jesus Comes Back Like That" where he talks about our prejudices against certain types of people - a hobo living under a bridge, "white trash" and a drug addicted newborn.  The last chorus goes like this...

What if Jesus comes back like that
Where will he find out hearts are at
Will he let us in or turn his back
What if Jesus comes back like that
Will he cry when he sees where our hearts are at
Will he let us in or turn his back
What if Jesus comes back like that
Hey what if Jesus comes back like that

Life of Christian Action

I am involved in a community called The Great Banquet.   Last fall I gave a talk titled "Life of Christian Action".   I want to share it here.  Its lengthy but I hope it inspires someone today. 

In Luke 8:4-15 Jesus tells us the parable of the seeds.

"The farmer went out to sow his seed. As he sowed,
 

  some fell along the road, and it was trampled under foot,
and the birds of the sky devoured it.

  other seed fell on the rock, and as soon as it grew, it withered away,
because it had no moisture.

  Other fell amid the thorns, and the thorns grew with it, and choked it.

  Other fell into the good ground, and grew, and brought forth fruit one hundred times."

My name is Betsey and my talk is entitled The Life of Christian Action – which is God’s call to give Him our lives to bring the world to Christ. 

There is a world of difference between motion and action.  Motion is a proposal for action – action brings about change. Motion is talking about changing reality while action is doing what it takes to change reality.  Christian action becomes a way of life for a disciple of Jesus as we realize how much He loves us.  One of the purposes of these three days is to experience an even deeper realization of this fact.  It is only natural for us to want to share God’s grace with everyone else but sometimes we have to learn how to do it.  The miracle of sharing our faith not only blesses another person but grows the living reality of Jesus within us.  

 In 1 Corinthians 13, the apostle Paul tells us that love is the greatest of all the fruits of the Spirit.  Love is the motivating power behind all true Christian action. 

My mom always says I was born with a smile on my face.   I have led what some would call a charmed life and making friends has always come easy to me. 

I never really fit into a particular group at school but rather had friends at all ends of the spectrum, from cheerleaders to metal heads to geeks. I was raised here in Memphis and attended a Catholic church where I learned the Lord’s Prayer, the Hail Mary, the Beatitudes, and most importantly to me, the Golden Rule.  I’ve always felt God with me and have always talked to Him.

Mother Teresa said “Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.”

At my first job as a telephone operator, the woman training me emphasized how important it was for me to smile because even if the person on the other line couldn’t see me, they could hear the smile in my voice.  I must have been good at it because what followed was a long industrious career as a receptionist. Promotions would come along and my boss would call me into his office and offer them to me all the while letting me know he was quite happy with me at the front desk if that was where I wanted to stay.   I was a master at diffusing tempers and killing people with kindness.

 Even in my relationship with my ex husband I follow the Golden Rule.  I’ve been told more than once that people can see the footprints on my back as I let him walk all over me but I don’t see it that way.  I simply believe that is the kind of person Jesus calls me to be.  Let me clarify this by saying that even though I try to show my ex the sort of love God intends us to show one another, this does not mean that I let him control, manipulate, or abuse me anymore.  Those three words are about as far from love as you can get.  Those three words have no place in a healthy relationship and no one deserves to live with that sort of pain.  I should know… I did live with it for 15 years. We share a child so I still have to have a relationship with him but it is now a relationship with minimal contact and proper boundaries. 

At the heart of all of God’s commandments is the command to love others and to love God. (Matthew 7:12)  Jesus taught that this summed up all of the law.   If everyone followed this rule and treated other people in the way they'd want to be treated themselves, the world would be a very different--and a much better—place. 

 Luke 6:31 states the Golden Rule -  ³¹ Do to others as you would like them to do to you.   But do you now what it says next? 

 ³² “If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them! ³³ And if you do good only to those who do good to you, why should you get credit? Even sinners do that much! ³⁴ And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, why should you get credit? Even sinners will lend to other sinners for a full return.”     We are called to love all people as Jesus did– no exceptions. 

When asked to summarize God's law, Jesus boiled it all down to love: love for God and love for our neighbor. We ought to love others more than we love ourselves.  

It’s hard to “love your neighbor as yourself” when you’ve mentally excluded certain people—people who might look, think, or behave differently than you—from the circle of those you consider “your neighbor.” When we can’t empathize with somebody as sharing our own basic humanity, it’s alarmingly easy to tell ourselves that Christ’s command simply doesn’t apply.   Are there people you treat with less than perfect grace—perhaps nearly unconsciously—because on some level, you don’t consider them your “neighbor”?

Everyone in this world has taken some wrong turns.  Everyone is in need of forgiveness and redemption and healing.  Everyone needs to know the love that only Jesus Christ can provide. 

Jesus’ expectation of his followers is that we share this truth with others.  Jesus wants us to be passionate about sharing his love and his grace with everyone we meet.   We need to walk through every moment of our lives plugged into the Holy Spirit.

 John 15:11 (The Message)

 ^11-15"I've told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I'm no longer calling you servants because servants don't understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I've named you friends because I've let you in on everything I've heard from the Father.

1 John 4:11 (The Message)

 ^11-12My dear, dear friends, if God loved us like this, we certainly ought to love each other. No one has seen God, ever. But if we love one another, God dwells deeply within us, and his love becomes complete in us—perfect love!

1 Peter 1:22 (New Century Version)

 ²² Now that your obedience to the truth has purified your souls, you can have true love for your Christian brothers and sisters. So love each other deeply with all your heart. 

  
In 2007 things were rolling right along for us.  I had a great marriage and two beautiful little girls

 who brought me great joy.  I had a gaggle of girlfriends and we were members of a wonderful church.  June 22^nd it all turned upside down starting with a very long night in the cardiac unit of Methodist North Hospital.   I was the patient.  I had been having trouble breathing for a couple of days and chalked it up to the summer heat.  After three days though I began to worry and consulted a friend who was a nurse.  She told me to take my BP at Target and let her know what it was.  My BP was fine but my heart rate was 140.  Since it was a Friday night and I wasn’t really comfortable waiting until Monday, we went to the ER.  There I was, 35, hooked up to a heart monitor and scared out of my mind.  Thankfully it wasn’t my heart at all – it was my thyroid.  I was sent home at 3am with tons of pills and orders to see my regular doc on Monday.  I saw several different doctors and read everything I could get my hands on to help me understand this disease that would be with me for the rest of my life. My usual happy go lucky attitude was squelched by physical and mental anxiety.   Fast forward a couple of weeks to when my husband was offered a promotion.  The catch? 

It was in St Louis.   They didn’t give him much time to decide and we didn’t take much time to pray.  He took the job and moved in the middle of September leaving me here to raise our daughters who were 2 and 9 at the time, deal with my disease, and get a house ready to sell.  At this time gas prices were $4.00 gallon so Don was only able to come home every other weekend for less than 24 hours at a time. 

The potential move caused horrible friction between me and my mom who has always been my best friend.  I was taking her granddaughters away to a new city and it was just too much for either one of us to handle emotionally.  We could barely speak without it turning into a major battle. 

 The church we loved was in the middle of its own battle and most of our friends had left for other places of worship.   My health continued to deteriorate as I faced shingles and horrible dizzy spells that were eventually diagnosed as migraine vertigo as well as ongoing fatigue, anxiety and depression.  My friends were fabulous in those first few months even deep cleaning my house for me because I simply couldn’t physically do it.

Eventually though the phone calls slowed down and the visits stopped.  Part of this was my fault as I felt like a burden and did not accept offers for help willingly.  I also was not feeling social due to my illness and I was disconnecting because I thought it would make the eventual move to St. Louis easier in the long run.  But I also think no one expected my troubles to go on as long as they did and it just got old after a while.  I felt abandoned and alone.

My time in the Valley lasted a very painful two years. I was so mad at everyone and if I hadn’t been forced to continue being a mother, I would have become a hermit.  I would read Job and wonder why God was letting me suffer through this darkness without a single person I could reach out to (for the record that was my perception, not necessarily the truth).  All of my life I’ve been a good Christian.   I’ve been a good friend, a good daughter, a good mom and a good wife.  I knew very well how to love others.  I didn’t understand why others weren’t loving me.  Wasn’t I worth being loved and cared for, especially during this troublesome time?  Slowly I began to understand what God was trying to teach me.  He moved everyone else out of the way so that I could see my very best friend of all who had been there all along.

  

His name is Jesus.  I had a LOT going on and I couldn’t do it all alone. Nor did I have to. All I had to do was reach out and ask for His help and give Him the control.  This was not an instant realization – as I said it was a two year journey.  I truly believe God let me live in that pit, in the darkness so that I could see that even then, He was there.

God was saying to me My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you.  During your times of trial and suffering, when you saw only one set of footprints in the sand… it was then that I carried you. 

 Even when I was feeling self absorbed, jealous, irritable and spiteful, He loved me unconditionally.  He loved little old me.  He wanted to show me that I was worthy of being His child.  He had plans for my life but first I needed to understand just how deep His love was for me.

Through every fear
And every doubt
And every tear I shed
Down every road
I’m not alone
No matter where I am

He is
He was
He always will be

He lives
He loves
He’s always with me

True followers of Christ give themselves to people.  They point people to faith in Christ.  The highest and best use of a human life is to serve as a signpost that points people toward God.  You put your heart out there.  You offer     grace 

and acceptance and love to people far from God.  You make phone calls and extend the hand of friendship in hopes that the little seed you are planting may one day sprout and rise up from the dirt.   There is unparalleled joy in

knowing that God is using you to shape and mold another person’s life. 

 In his book  “Just Walk Across the Room”, Bill Hybels explains his three step plan to bringing others to Christ.   He calls it living in 3D and it is a plan you and I can follow very easily.  The longer you walk with God, the more open your arms become. As your arms grow wider in worship, they correspondingly grow wider in acceptance. 

First Develop friendships – engage in the lives of people around you – family, friends, co-workers.  Be an active listener.  Care with a compassionate heart.  Seek to understand others.  – God doesn’t want us to just find a church we’re comfortable in and hang out with other Christians all the time.   We are to reach out to all around us and He doesn’t say it will be easy.  

In Luke 10:3 he calls us to “Go now, but listen!  I am sending you out as lambs among wolves.”  Spotless and uncluttered has no place in the task of embracing a dying broken weary world with radical forgiveness and actionable love.   As you interact with people in everyday conversations, try to be focused on breaking down stereotypes and building bridges instead.  Actively seek ways to let God stretch you and interact with people of different generations, ethnicity and cultures.  Remember that the Holy Spirit is in all of your conversations and listen for that prompting.  Step out in faith, start a conversation, explore whether there is an open door and leave the rest up to God. 

Mark 10:27 (The Message)

 ²⁷Jesus was blunt: "No chance at all if you think you can pull it off by yourself. Every chance in the world if you let God do it."

The old can become new.  The fallen can be restored.  The prideful can become humbled.  The wanderers can come home.  The weak can become strong.  Derelicts can become disciples. 

 Next Discover stories – before you share your own story and God’s story of redemption, find out where others are in their journeys.  Learn what life has been like for them – what they dream about.  What is going well in their estimation and what needs work. Everyone’s story is important. 

Matthew 10:29-31 (New Century Version)

²⁹ Two sparrows cost only a penny, but not even one of them can die without your Father's knowing it.³⁰³¹ So don't be afraid. You are worth much more than many sparrows. God even knows how many hairs are on your head.

What matters more than where they came from is the direction in which they are headed.  You have to start with people right where they are.  As Christ’s followers, we’re accountable for regularly surrounding ourselves with people who are far from God, uncovering their stories with compassion and grace, and then naturally and consistently making ourselves available when God opens a door of opportunity.

You just might be the single light in someone’s darkness who reminds them there is a God who created them, who loves them, and who yearns to have a personal relationship with them, starting from right where they are. 

Lastly, Discern next steps – follow the Holy Spirit’s direction. 

It doesn’t take a genius to discern appropriate next steps in a relationship.  All it takes is being in tune to the Holy Spirit’s promptings as well as to the needs of the person you are talking to.  Remember to speak to God about your friends before you speak to your friends about God.  In other words- PRAY.

Philippians 4:6 (New International Version)

⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Psalm 17:6 (New Living Translation)

 ⁶ I am praying to you because I know you will answer, O God.
      Bend down and listen as I pray.

Maybe it’s a thoughtfully chosen book you want to share or a CD with encouraging worship songs (I do this a lot).  A willing spirit, a heartfelt laugh, a safe ear  - seemingly insignificant things that can become divine, life altering tools in the hands of compassionate Christ followers.  You’ll never know their impact until you offer them up as resources to meet the needs around you.  Remember that the Holy Spirit is your strength.  His power is always available.  When you feel that nudge, take the risk to show up.  Difficulties may arise, but God is at work even in our failures. 

Romans 8:28 (The Message)

 ^26-28Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

I won’t tell you everything magically got better for me but I will tell you it got easier once I gave the control back to God and started listening to what He had to say.  My husband transferred back to Memphis after 16 months (but got to keep his promotion).  Our finances were a mess but at least we were back together in one home as a family again.  We found a new church in April of last year that we deeply love.  I sing in the praise band and my husband is teaching Sunday school.  I am still mending some relationships and the work is slow and tedious.  My health is thankfully much better now and with the help of a good doctor and a short time on anti anxiety meds, I’m feeling much more like myself nowadays. 

I have also completed training to be a Stephen Minister.  In short, a Stephen Minister is a lay person who is paired with someone who is going through a time in the Valley and just needs that listening ear, that hand to hold, that prayer partner, that unconditional love of Jesus Christ.  We are not counselors.  We are care givers who spend about an hour a week with our care receivers and just stand with them as they navigate through whatever stormy waters have come their way.  It is a ministry I wish I had known about when I was in the darkness.  I know that God used that time in my life to prepare me for this calling.

I now understand just how much God loves me and how much He loves every one of you. 

Yes, YOU, right here, right now, are worthy of God’s unconditional love.  The same God who created the heavens and the earth created you and has a purpose for your life.

 Jeremiah 29:11 (GOD’S WORD Translation)

¹¹I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope.

One of my favorite translations of the Bible is called The Message.  In it, one of my favorite verses - Matthew 11:28 reads almost like an infomercial. 

 ^28-30"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."   Sounds pretty good doesn’t it??  Yes!  I want to order that!  Give me that 1-800 number right now!!     BUT WAIT!  THERE’S MORE!!!

You no longer have to carry all of your burdens alone.  You can lay down your sadness, your worry, your regret and your frustration because Jesus promises us that one day we will be a new creation.  And until that day He promises to walk by our side every single day carrying our burdens for us, offering direction toward a full and significant life and giving substance to our days.  And the very best part is that God’s grace is free.  There isn’t even any shipping and handling.  That is the Good News my friends.  Don’t’ you want to share that 1-800 number with everyone you meet?  Aren’t we all looking for something that will last forever.

God intends everything we do – every relationship, every activity, every opportunity be woven into a single seamless life of Christian Action.  Christian Action is EVERY action a Christian lives.   The girl who babysits our daughters is agnostic.  We have had many conversations about God and who He is and we even sponsored her for the Awakening which is the teen version of the Great Banquet. 

We have planted seeds through our relationship with her and continually water them.   She may be 60 before she ever changes her mind but I’ll keep praying for her every day.   We may not be given the chance to see the success of our own efforts, however God calls us to be faithful to His kingdom no matter what. 

Be a seed sowing fool for God because someday that seed is going to fall on the on the right soil, take root, germinate and sprout. 

De Colores

 

Sisters

A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves - a special kind of double.  ~Toni Morrison

As everyone knows by now, Oprah has a newly found half sister.  It always amazes me when family members find each other on tv and talk about how much they have in common even though they weren't raised together... everything from the way they laugh to the way they talk.   The same happened with Oprah's sister - everyone commented on the show yesterday about how much the "new" sister resembled another sister who had passed away.

I've often thought about whether I'd want to know if I had a sibling somewhere out there. I definitely would, even with the possible drama that might ensue.  My mom raised me to put family first.  Those relationships are the most important relationships I have.    I don't however have a secret sibling... that I'm sure of.   I have one brother and one sister and adore them both.   We grew up in the same household and have the same mannerisms and similar senses of humor.   We are compassionate, loving, and funny.    And alas we are each others' one and only siblings.  Well, as far as we know.  Mom??   :)

However, Oprah's story still hits close to home.  Eight years ago my ex husband called one night to tell me he had discovered that he had a new daughter which gave our five year old daughter a sister.   He waited until DNA tests were complete before announcing this news to me.   I was surprised but very open to our daughter having a relationship with her new sister.  My ex lives in another state so it was a few months before he came for a visit and took our daughter to meet the baby.    They saw her once when she was 5 months old and then again at 11 months.   After that there were some issues between the baby's mom and my ex and there was no contact for several years.

This past October they reconnected.  The girls are now 13 and 8.   The both love animals, especially tigers.   They both love to draw and have natural talent.   They have the same smile. They both love to argue for the sake of arguing.   The younger girl has the same unruly curls my daughter has outgrown.   Their reunion was not like Oprah and her sister of course.  These are children.   There was no hugging and instant acceptance.   They only know what they have been told by their parents.   The other mom and I have both said we've wondered about each other over the years and thought about trying to locate one another but weren't sure how we would be received.  Turns out we both have the same goal in mind... to let the girls hang out and slowly build a relationship with each other.   We know it will take time.    We know it will be quite a while before they think of each other as family.   That's ok.   We just want to give them the chance.